In the Mind of Mizah K.

Switching back On

2012-02-14T23:03:00.000+08:00

Done attending the 'International Conference on Leadership & Social Change in the Muslim World: Prospects and Challenges'. Lots of delegates from other countries were there. Got to see Turkey's youngest MP, oh and Tun Dr Mahathir was there too. I think the most memorable is Dr Maszlee Malik. This is the 2nd time I've attended an event with him as one of the speakers. He says it like it is...hats off to him! Definitely, a crowd-favourite!

Last last semester I actually gave up on Durham. But due to recent events of the crappy semester break I had, the Durham Dream is back on. Plus, during the conference, out of the blue, Dr Maszlee mentioned Durham University. I literally gasped and looked across the Senate Hall at Shazna who was looking back at me with the same surprised expression. These coincidences are sometimes signs, urging me on. It's God and the Universe reminding me to keep strivin'.

I don't just want Durham, I need it. I burn, I pine, I perish! Specially coz of all the llama drama. And this is just the beginning of crazy.

In life, what I say, think, or feel does not matter to some people. People don't wait for you. They [happily] leave you for their own thing. They don't seem to share the same sentiment and will label you as selfish for hindering them. They will alllll label you as selfish. Based on Social Protocol, to survive, I have to live my own life. Hence, Durham has become a necessity.

Coz of all that, I've switched off from all the emotions and stopped caring about whatever the hell is going on around me.

It's not good to 'switch off' for long periods.
Although the numbness eases the pain,
but then apathy creeps in and remains.

-MK-

Cloud 9

2012-02-09T18:17:00.003+08:00

This morning I was super focused on one of my missions...while on it, I got distracted by external factors.

I was so frustrated with myself. The window of opportunity closed, and this window only opens once in a blue moon.

I was mentally cursing for a whole minute...disappointed more than anything. I gave up.
but then...as I was walking, I looked up.. It was headed right for me.. Beyond cool beans!

Brilliant day today.

Crossing paths. Thank you Fate. You're doin it right!

-MK-

Pleasant. :)

2012-02-08T17:02:00.000+08:00

Hot. Sunny. Windy. Overpopulated.

Yeahh too many human beings in IIUM, specially HS. Even at 9 in the morning the cafes are flooded with homo-sapiens...which is very unusual... where did these people come from!??! I thought last semester was bad but this sem's worse. And it's the first day back, normally it's quiet with people skippin' and all. I guess the HS area truly lives up to its bustling and 'happenin' status.

I think coz of the 'phase' I went through during the semester break, being back is the distraction that I need. No more moping about coz I can focus on myself.

I'm really feelin the seniority creepin in coz I see lots and lots of new faces. Where are all the old familiar faces I'm used to seeing? It's sad in a way...many of the awesome seniors have graduated, but some of the annoying ones are gone to so thank Lord for that! haha.. oh and even Asna was like 'baru nampak muka senior!' when he saw me.

Considering how I dreaded returning, I actually had a really nice day. Prolly the best of all the 'first day backs'.

Saw Saba' and Nadia today, which gave me flashes of life back in Nilai. Saw Irnita from far...can't wait to hang with her! Then I also saw Haziqah.. I was so happy, nearly cried. Gotta spend more time with her! One of my missions this semester: spend quality time with former Nilai roomies. Right after catching up with Haziqah, I saw Qur in the hall smiling sweetly as always.

It's lovely to see them all, but sad that it's hard to properly meet up.

Had a 4 hour gap with Shazna, so lepak ah dengan dia, looong chat of future plans which helps me concentrate on the bigger picture of where I'm headed. And the venue of my Methods of Da'wah class is the same venue as a previously significant class, which might lead me to reminiscing a lot, but oh well, it's a happy thing. Optimist Mizah says: It's a sign! Operation Flamingo still in progress.

My other subject, Discourse Analysis might be another Linguistics subject I might end up liking, I normally dislike Ling subjects, except for Sociolinguistics. But DA looks like something I might be into...it's about looking into spoken and written language, how our choice and usage of vocabulary leaves an impact towards the reader/listener.

Ex. If a Muslim kills, they're labeled terrorists, but when it's for example the Norwegian dude who killed members of the youth camp, the media referred to him as a Hitman. Or how the euphemism 'Honour Killing' is used to replace murder. It somehow makes it more 'acceptable'... when obviously it's not. Language can deceive people and change their mind-set. Powerful stuff.

It's also the tool behind successful orators, public speakers, leaders, etc. and Tinah's in the same class with me so yayness!

There were too many people during lunch hour, I stayed at HS Square with Han and talked and talked and talked with her. Uber happy to have her here. :)

So yeah pleasant day today. It was just nice and exactly what I needed. Gym Junkie from Boost would be good too. -__-

Tonight, meeting with Green Team..but for now, time to watch The Secret Circle!! Adam has super soulful eyes.. O.O he's such a stalker too with Cassie..but apparently stalkers aren't creepy if they come in the form of Thomas Dekker...ohh I digress..

Many new faces emerge,
& Familiar faces disappear,
It's a telltale sign,
That you're now a senior,
To fellow batch-mates [092****]
Let's rock third year!

-MK-

p/s
chocolates melted.. -__- sorry ppl. chocolate giving session resumes at 10am tomorrow.

Insight

2012-02-07T23:23:00.004+08:00

I've swept, scrubbed, mopped. My room smells clean and fresh. Adrian Monk would be proud.

New semester starts tomorrow, and I think I'll be blogging a lot more, but shorter posts though.

My enthusiasm for D.U. was recently reignited. I have to do my research really well. Sometimes things we yearn for so badly seems impossible while we're in the moment of wanting it...but it just requires a lot of endeavour on my part.

Looking back, I've done stuff that's in the 'highly unlikely to accomplish' list. So it's not impossible. It just seems like there are so many obstacles from where I'm standing.

And I think I need this, for myself. It's right for me. And her going away is also a motivator. She's moving on, I should focus on myself too now, no holding back, no waiting for other people.

In this world, you're at it alone.

-MK-

Enter: Year 3

2012-02-05T18:08:00.002+08:00

I'm in that phase of life I'm not at all keen on.

Class starts next week and I feel like I didn't even get a proper holiday. The 'rents are busy with stuff, Everyone's busy with stuff.

I'm about to enter my 3rd year which feels unreal. My workload is really light and I have a lot of gap between my classes, a 4 hour gap! When I'm so used to not having any free time and all of a sudden I have plenty of it...I just don't know what to do with myself. I guess active students will always feel the need to be on the go.

Think I'll be doing a lot of reading this semester. Currently reading Catch 22 and also The Summoning, both really different genres. And I'm also storing a new series for the semester, The Secret Circle, .. and more on the way. And of course I have Nikita to spread around campus.

Extra-curricular-wise, I'm no longer the secretary of Green Team, but now the Editor of the Green Gazette, and still with DB1M. Torch, I'm still the current Head of Editorial, and I'm also helping out the the Book Festival under Unity Carnival. I'm doing PR, calling up Publishers and all that jazz, and def. not my thing.

During the Orientation [taaruf], I had to give a short speech to introduce Torch to the new intake, I was nervous, good thing Hamed and Leila were there with me. No matter how much public speaking, Toastmasters/Gavel I've done, butterflies will always flutter about. Don't think that will ever change. Oh and I got to see Raihan! I was as excited to see her as she was to see me! Will be awesome having her around.

Life is gonna change drastically in 2 1/2 weeks, and even more so towards the end of the year. Talking about it helps but it's not enough. Ughhhhh, I wish I had more time. I'm trying my best to cope with these unforeseen changes...

It's hard to be excited for something you don't wholeheartedly agree. I will get over it...eventually.

I should enjoy the freedom I have now before people start bugging me.

Well, cheers to a new semester.

-MK-

If Life had a Pause Button

2012-01-21T00:12:00.000+08:00

By: Mizah Kholil

If life had a pause button,
I'd press it now, use it outright,
End this anxiety, and stop the flooding
Of salty tears from yesternight.
The freezing of time will make everything alright.

If life had a pause button,
It fades- the fear of the unknown future,
No need to worry of the uncertain.
Rescued from potential misadventures,
Freed from this mental self-torture.

If life had a pause button,
Only farewells do the leaving,
I won't lose him, her, or them.
No one to be missing,
Coz there is no end to this beginning.

If life had a pause button,
Life can't pass me by.
Time cannot steal from me, it cannot change or break me.
Death is meaningless, efforts redundant, no more questioning Why.
But Conscious creeps in, yearning to untangle the tie.

If life had a pause button,
Maybe I might get complacent,
Same thing different day,
Now is forever abundant,
-S--T--A--G--N--A--N--T-

If life had a pause button,
Like a piece of string, the flow of events get stuck.
Hindrance is the knot, obstructing the flow of hope, dreams, experience.
Inhibits success, self-growth, the murder of fate and luck.
Thoughts reverse as I consider untying the knot.

If life had a pause button,
The course of living is at a standstill.
I won't know love, I might get happy... but not my happy ending.
Life isn't complete, will my goals even be fulfilled?
Saddest of all, it will never be revealed.

If life had a pause button,
The future is gone, along with the the purpose of living.
Questions emerge of what could be and might be..
I am the thief of my own life, living a lie, continuously deceiving..
Eliminating a significant part which is The Ending.

If life had a pause button,
True, I do not know the contents of the future,
But I know it carries love, success, adventure,
It holds life lessons, pain, struggle, and pressure,
Which will shape me, make me into the person I picture..

If life had a pause button,
I have a choice.
Remain a refugee in my own memories or to reach out to my unknown destiny.
Let life continuously play, or to put it to a halt and enjoy living this way everyday.
To go on or to quit...

If life really had a pause button,

Would you press it?

--------------------------------------------
Song: Save My Heart by Jason Reeves.
Mood: Indecisive
Location: Bangsar

So that's it then?

2011-12-31T15:44:00.004+08:00

2011 is nearly over.. danng.. And I just had my Arabic level 6 finals this morning. It was awful. =[ Ate lunch with naqib afterwards...had a very interesting conversation with him about 'finding myself'. I believe I have found myself this year...I'm becoming the person I want to be, and I'm very comfortable in my own skin.

I can't believe I'm ending my second year. I izz getting old! If all goes well, I'll graduate in 2013, God willing. I really want to get out of IIUM..a lotta mixed feelings. Been thinking a lot about my future. But I'd say this semester has been productive. Got accepted for IYEP5, had the campus newspaper thing, a lot of humanitarian work...but at the same time there's that one thing that really devastated me. Definitely one of the toughest challenge God is giving me.. takes every fiber of my being to not breakdown...When you pour your heart and soul into something and it doesn't pan out..it kills you a little inside. It's really just bad timing I guess.

Funny how I was really scared of this semester, towards the end, it's not that scary, just emotionally difficult. Fear is good. When you're responsible for something that carries a huge burden and you know lots of people are depending on you, it leads you to being scared coz you might mess up, which also makes you more meticulous in your work and it compels you to give all that you've got.

Learnt a few things about being a leader too this semester...and got a lotta criticism...tough tough tough! It's hard not to just burst into tears and yell in frustration sometimes.. it takes serious self-control to maintain my composure and just stay calm and breathe. I've been doing a lotta intense inhaling and exhaling...it helps!

Then there are lots of annoying cases with people who just don't know the social protocol of work ethics! Even when this dude knows I'm pissed at him..but I just listen to his feeble attempt at being diplomatic and I avoid eye contact. That's how I refrain myself from biting his head off. If I look him in the eye, I prolly would have lost it. It's so effing hard..worst when it's a friend you genuinely like! And now my friendship with him is just luke warm. I hate it when that happens..I put so much hope and faith in someone and they disappoint me and I just never imagined they would do it. Can't blame me for turning into a cynic then eh?

Sometimes you think people who are quiet and calm are really strong and can't be shaken. But it's really coz they never let the world see them when they're weak. But all this is good...it prepares me for the outside world where I'll have to deal with people who are prolly a lot worse.

When you're going through a lot of crap, just remember that God doesn't give you a burden greater than you can bear, so God trusts you to survive it and you will.

Something which has been bugging me for quite a while...there's something I had in high school that I don't have now and I really need it, can't pin point exactly what it is...but I do have a fair idea of what it is.

Geez louise..this post is rather gloomy eh...well the bright side of the year passing by and myself getting older and more mature is that my crushes are improving. 3 years ago I crushed on people only on the basis of them resembling celebrities..nothing serious, it was simply for fun. But now its concentrated on all the stuff on the inside which matters and based on how comfortable I am with them, the more I can be myself with them the better.. so that's a sign of me taking life more seriously.

Oh and remember 'L' from "Appreciate the weird people in life"..haha I'm classmates with him this semester, Planned our schedules we did! Even though he's not from my department, but still possible. A super successful mission! So glad to be friends with him! =]

When you put your mind to something, and show some endeavour, the Universe will make it happen, and if you want it for a good reason, then God will let you have it...

Currently working on Operation Flamingo.. I have a really strong inkling about this one... Law of attraction, WORK YOUR MAGIC!

-Mizah Kholil
-20 years old, last post of 2011-

Facing Culture Shock

2011-11-26T15:48:00.001+08:00

(This was the original unedited piece)

By: Siti Khamizah Kholil with the help of Naeema Barkhad

When moving to a new place, you cannot help but feel excited to discover the unfamiliar; but once this phase wears off, everything begins to lose its charm. Eventually, you feel that it is all wrong.

This is culture shock.

Culture shock refers to the feeling you have of anxiety and confusion when you are in a new environment where the cultural norms you are used to no longer apply. It is when there are different perceptions as to what is deemed appropriate and what is not.

It is important to know that culture shock is very common, especially in IIUM where it is a melting pot of cultures. In the mosque, you can easily notice the different ways of praying reflecting the diversity among Muslims.

We have International students who face culture shock with the Malaysian culture, and vice-versa. Even local students from rural areas get their share of shock moving to the city and some have never seen such tall foreign students!

Everything may seem well at the start. Many International students who come to Malaysia first notice the lush greenery. After some time when this ‘honeymoon’ stage is over, comes the withdrawal. This is when the heat and humidity start to kick in.

There are two ways you can handle the situation. You can either embrace it, or for most people, react negatively to this new culture.

You find the ‘new’ social norms unusual and begin to dislike everything about it. You become overwhelmed with the adjustments needed to be made. This often leads to a lot of ill-feelings.

It is understandable for one to feel frustrated with not really knowing what is going on around them, but it is important to not let this pessimism consume us. We always start assuming that something is wrong with the new culture, not us.

What you may find weird in one culture is normal in another. Just like how Malaysian Muslimahs use the telekung or the white prayer-wear while in other cultures, this may be seen as strange.

The unfamiliar is often labelled as wrong, immoral or impolite. This exaggerated cultural pride of thinking that only your culture is right will never do you any good.

Culture shock is not a bad thing, but that does not mean it is easy to deal with either. Just like in Malaysia where some Internationals have trouble finding light meals since the Malaysian breakfast itself is rather heavy considering there is nasi lemak on the menu.

There are also others who cannot consume the local food as it is far too spicy than their stomach can handle yet others grow accustomed to the sweet and sour flavours. You really will not know until you try.

Find the reasonableness of the new culture to reduce your lack of understanding. Every culture has its own unique values; you might even start appreciating your host culture. Same goes to Malaysians who are exposed to an abundance of diversity on campus.

Most Malaysians find that the Internationals are more outspoken and open to critical issues in class. This clashes with the Malaysian culture which puts emphasis on having a level of reverence for the lecturer. It may seem rude to some, but if you look at it differently, you cannot help but admire their boldness. Those who are reserved can definitely learn a thing or two!

It is interesting how many locals complain how the Internationals stick to themselves, while the Internationals feel the exact same about Malaysians. This is what stops us all from integrating. Perhaps if both sides changed this belief, one would actually start communicating and bridging that gap.

When you are deprived of the familiar, get used to the unfamiliar. Try to learn the language, taste the new flavours and make life-long friends. You will find it to be an enriching and educational experience as you discover new ways of thinking and living.

Just because no one explained the rules to you does not mean you should shut yourself from the world. When that homesick feeling creeps in, that is the cue to start looking at the situation in a different light.

Set your mind to think of this as an opportunity, an adventure! Many Internationals who came from strict countries have found a new sense of freedom here in Malaysia. This gives them the chance to try new things.

You might even prefer certain cultural traits and adopt certain behaviours. We can see this from the level of hijab style which the Muslimahs have embraced from each other or how some Internationals have begun to wear the baju melayu and baju kurung. This helps you to grow as a person, making you a more global citizen.

Culture shock is how one reacts to difference. Be open to these differences by exploring new things. Do not be judgmental or allow your inner ethnocentricity to take over you.

No culture is superior to another. It is only a matter of time until you learn to adjust to your new environment. By seizing this opportunity, you will soon find yourself experiencing the best of both worlds!

Adios Teenhood

2011-11-21T21:27:00.001+08:00

I should really be doing my work now. I'm drowning in work. Semantics..Native American Exhibition for American Literature Class, Torch, Green General Meeting. It's a crazy hectic week!

I'm writing this quickie coz today's my last day as a teen and I feel like it should be a significant part of my life, but I don't really feel anything...

....still nothing...

I do have a massive headache though from all the organising and managing that I've been doing. I can't wait for Issue 4 to be done with. It's mega exhausting! And I feel older than I am now! Like I'm 23 or something. I think unintentionally being a workaholic does that to you.

Since I'll be reaching 2 decades old, I will miss teenhood. One of the good things about being a teen is that if you make a mistake, people won't give you much krap coz it's conventionally expected. But when you reach the twenties..the age of experimenting is over [I mean this in the Islamic sense]. You gotta have a clear cut idea of where you're headed, the time to mess around is gone.

So long innocence of youth...hello scary world of responsibilities where I'm accountable for my actions.

So far, I'm satisfied with what I've done at this age..it's more or less what I initially planned. I'm definitely headed for the humanitarian/environmentalist path. Kinda planning to be Mother Teresa of Kazakhstan :p.

On a more melancholic note, a lot of the things I grew up with ended this year, 2011- Harry Potter, Inheritance Cycle, Smallville.

It marks the end of my childhood. Goodbye 19.

-MK-

[For me to remember only]
flamingos: VeeIboAGCMoyJblack

In Debt for Education

2011-10-07T20:47:00.001+08:00

Thought I should share this. It's my essay entry for IYEP5 with minor changes.

What Debt? Oh That Debt!

By: Siti Khamizah Kholil

People say that our time in university will be the best days of our lives. We get to be independent, make new friends, learn new things…but wait, why does it end there? What's gonna happen after graduation? That’s when reality smacks us in the face as we are reminded of the ever-growing debt needed to be paid.

The cost of tertiary education has risen significantly in the past three decades. It’s bad enough we’re living in a time where inflation is sky high, but education still holds such value that we have to do whatever we can to achieve it even if it means making ourselves ‘broke’ in the hope that with a degree, we’ll one day get a decent job.

There are so many scholarships out there, but being an English Literature major does not make it easier especially here in Malaysia where the Sciences are always favoured over the Arts. I dream to continue my studies in England (DURHAM!) but after checking the fees, I don’t think I can afford it even if I were to sell all my internal organs, hypothetically speaking of course. Unless I want to end up being a hobo in Telawi Street...then the only option I have left is to take a loan. Loan, it even has a long dreadful cacophonic sound to it!

Many of my friends in the International Islamic University Malaysia rely on student loan; it’s not just any loan, but one with interest! This means that if they don’t pay back by the due date, the amount will increase, adding more insult to injury. I firmly believe that life in university is a time for self-discovery and new experiences. It’s hard to do that when you know that your happiness of graduating will automatically get replaced by stress. It’s ironic that we must be in debt in order to get a degree, education is supposed to help us make a decent living, not be the reason to be poor.

We’re a slave to debt until it’s all paid back, and this takes years! You have a bind like heavy rocks tied to your feet, slowing your life, slowing you down. You can’t make other plans when you graduate, because your priority is to earn back your freedom, to buy back your future. To be in debt means that our future is already planned out for us. We can’t apply for our Masters and we can’t even enjoy our salary as most of it will go to repaying what we owe.

The only way out is to work hard through part time jobs or small businesses in order to earn some income. It’s hard but it’s better than to be saddled with endless debts. I always try to live a peasant-like life now and tell myself 'the future MK needs this money more than the present MK'. I can be very cheap at all the right times, and it's for my own good.

People in debt have sleepless nights and go mental about it while some are even suicidal. Those who resort to loan sharks are particularly in a dilemma as it would lead to incessant intimidation and aggression if one does not pay back as scheduled. I believe that you can’t truly begin your adult life until you are free of debt. Being in debt is a form of poverty. It delays you from your dreams and true happiness. Graduates can’t fully enjoy working life when they carry such a burden, and others can’t say that they asked for it, for the circumstances call for such an option.

“Money, money, money, it’s never sunny, in a debtor’s world!” is what Abba would sing if they were debt-stricken like most students of my generation. The best policy is to start saving from young and make your money grow for a better future because it certainly won't get any better, tough times lie ahead.

What do Celebrities think of Islam?

2011-08-04T22:12:00.002+08:00

I always wonder about this. Especially the Hollywood celebrities.
Coz if I find out that that my favourite celebrities who I've been supporting and remained loyal to this whole time is Anti-Muslim.... then I can already imagine the level of disappointment and sadness I'd feel. Heck, I might even shed some tears. Then after that, rip a poster or two...and maybe attack the forum boards. *coughs*

The thought of the celebs who I sincerely love, (yes LOVE and respect) hating Islam is painful. It's like a stab in the heart from the front and back! "You hate Islam?....but but I'm a Muslim and I adore you and I fill your fanpage with love and tumblr away with your clips and photos!!!" [of course I'm not really like that...heh] I'm actually scared to find out what they think...but sometimes, you can sorta guess their opinion. Of course they'll never say it out in the open, but certain times you can just tell... :(

And those who are anti-Islam, I'd stop supporting them.

Thing is... you rarely hear them mention it.. like Palestine for example, not many speak of it. Unless they all prefer to remain ignorant about it.... but even that, is sad too.

I just hope they don't see Islam in a bad light, coz all these celebrities have millions of Muslim fans. It'd be heartbreaking for me...say if I find out McFly hates us. JUST AN EXAMPLE. I'm pretty positive they don't. :) Like I said, you can just tell with some people.

If you think about all the female singers who have concerts in Malaysia, quite a number of them have second thoughts about performing here. No need to mention names. Some even cancelled their show when everyone already bought their tickets...Why? Because we have a dress code. Maybe it sounds silly to some people at first, but you have to understand the culture here. This side of the planet prefers modesty in dressing, we don't like seeing stuff hanging out and jiggling about..it's rather uncomfortable for us.

Strange thing is, we're Not Asking Them To Take Their Clothes Off, We're Asking Them to put more on. So why is it so difficult?!?!?

As Emma Watson would say, "The less you reveal the more people

can wonder." So yeah, you're not really much of a mystery if you're all out there.

Malaysia is a Muslim majority country, so if you want to perform here, you'll have to respect the regulations. I don't understand why it's so hard? It's not like they can't perform when they're covered, they still can. And is it really that big of a sacrifice? Besides, this is for your fans! Your fans who memorise the lyrics to your song, buy your albums, camp out to get good seats, defend your reputation. These singers wouldn't be where they are without their fans.

If this were an issue coz we're asking them to slut up then I'd understand..but this is not the case, so can you understand how puzzling this is for me?

Something is seriously wrong with the world, but I'm glad there are still celebs who are willing to change their wardrobe in order to give their fans a good show.

Kudos to Katy Perry. She came here during the MTV World Stage 2010, and wore a full length unitard and tutu. Gotta respect her for that!

& Happy Fasting dear Muslims.

-Mizah K.-

p/s
If you're into action, and watch tv series like Dark Angel, Alias, Dollhouse, ya'll should watch Nikita. It's flippin awesome! A MUST WATCH! I am currently addicted to it. As much as I hate to admit this, it's better than Smallvile...Sorry Tom Welling...I still love Smallville though and in my book, you shall forever be the very definition of tall, dark and handsome.

The 'Stable' Life

2011-07-26T13:11:00.005+08:00

And again I abandoned blogger. I actually did have a few lengthy posts to publish but I deleted them all. Don't ask why. I nearly deleted my blog too but my mom stopped me. Mom's actually been asking me to blog, so here I am. And again I remind everyone, I blog so I can see how I've matured through the years.

The gap between now and my last post has been quite a development in terms of personal goals and dreams.
I have changed, a lot. And it's weird how I can actually feel it...my mindset has altered, and things I used to be so certain about all of a sudden seem very unlikely to happen.

I don't want to do creative writing anymore. That passion died a few semesters ago. When I read back my trilogy, the idea was good but my writing was that of an amateur, and I feel like I need to 'wait til I'm fully grown up'...but til what age?...coz everyone's writing will continuously improve and I'm a bit of a lazybum to go over my writing and improve on it every few years. I was so sure I was gonna do creative writing, like EXTREMELY sure. And I thoroughly enjoyed descriptive writing, and I could imagine myself writing for travel brochures..'famous for its sun-kissed beaches, crystal clear water...' and I'm very wordy too if you noticed!

I've known this for quite some time but just never really admitted it to myself. I'm a planner, and when things don't go as planned I feel like I betrayed that part of me that's wanted to be an author since I was like..8! However, my love for literature has amplified...creative writing is just a sub-branch of literature, but literature itself is the real deal! It's so rich in history, morality and the condition of mankind, it's that kind of knowledge that I dig. I'll explain the wonders of literature another day, but now let's go straight to the point.

A quote from Smallville goes something like 'I know a lot of people who want to own the world, but I don't know many who want to save it.'

This quote pretty much sums up the world. There are those who want to sustain and help, and others who simply can't be arsed to care. In school I quite loved geography. Okay although the whole glacier, crevasse stuff was really boring, but I learnt so much that whenever I watch NatGeoAdventure, I understand every land-form jargon they pull out. And when Mr Price touched upon sustainability, conservation, and ecotourism, I absorbed everything like a sponge. So travel and Eco-tourism is a path I've always considered...and promoting the Green message is definitely a must too!

What I want in life now is definitely different. Problem is, many want the 'stable life'. In terms of good money, fixed time, etc. A lot of decisions I make now is because of this pressure to have a stable life. Parents also play a huge role in influencing their children to head a certain direction to ensure they have a secure life. Of course this is expected as they are our guardians, and knowing my own parents, they are the ultimate 'Stabilisers'. What's extremely pressuring about being the youngest child is that if my older siblings don't fulfill my parents' wishes, I am their last hope. My parents want us to be lecturers. And I perfectly understand the logic behind this because being a lecturer is of course prestigious, well-paid and in places like IIUM [my uni], work days are 4 days a week and lecturers teach 3-4 hours a day on average. Plus the bonuses and certain institutions also sponsor for the PhD. Neither of my siblings are headed that path, and it seems like I am most likely to go there. I don't mind coz I think it'd be pretty satisfying to help mold and shape the minds of students and due to the good working hours, I'd have time for my future children!..but I feel like I can do much more than that.

Wanting a stable life also forces me to be very picky in choosing a significant other. For example, its preferable that they're from KL, not from a big family, not a doctor or lawyer or in the army...and definitely not a diplomat..etc. Ironically, God tends to match us with the very opposite so que sera sera.

The stable life has seem idyllic owing to the fact that my first 18 years of life has been anything BUT stable. Moving location every few years: Unstable, changing school system [german to american to malaysian to british]: Unstable, constantly leaving friends: Unstable, trying to fit into a different culture: Unstable, celebrating Eid with missing family members: Unstable. My last Eid was without my 'rents...and when you're so used to celebrating Eid without your family members, it becomes a norm. I remember in Doha, Eid was just me and my dad while my mom was in M'sia with my siblings...being a TCK has a lot of long term effects, I'll discuss that another day.

But now... I guess having lived the life of a global nomad has made the unstable feel normal.

My life has been unstable up until now I would say. I feel like there are just 2 options, one is live it safe and have a very stable life which I would consider as extremely mediocre with no excitement whatsoever. OR go the path I want which is more fulfilling but tough to have a family and stable lifestyle. But I could always take it as a challenge and that exposure would do good to my children.

The path that I'm headed for is more towards being a humanitarian/environmentalist/human rights advocate [I remember one of my old classmates, Brian always said I should be an advocate] or a Human Rights journalist..something like that. It requires travelling no doubt about that. I really do enjoy volunteer work, but problem is, even when I want to volunteer I have to actually pay meaning that I still have to find some sort of stable source of income. It's so frustrating how you need to have money to properly help others. Sometimes I wish I could just marry some rich lad...though the chance of that happening is as likely as Anthony Gamlieli knowing of my existence. And there aren't many rich guys in my uni anyway... [but in all sincerity I don't care for one's wealth]

So what do I want? I want to help people, (and the environment). There are so many children out there who are smart and capable of so much and have what it takes to be a somebody, but they just don't have the opportunity to reach their full potential. To help them would be the most fulfilling thing I can do with my life. Especially when we have a lotta messed up people ruling the world and many ignorant youth who seem to have given up on the future and are just enjoying what they can now while it still lasts and when they're still in their prime. I want a jaded-free generation. If you teach these children all the right things, support them with motivation, give them love, care and compassion, whose to say they can't make it?

As for now, which direction am I headed? The stable or the unpredictable?...we'll just have to wait and see.

-Mizah K.-

This Post Ain't Easy to Type

2011-04-04T00:03:00.000+08:00

*This Entry is Best read [whether aloud or in your head] in the RP English/Queen's English*

Merry meet my fellow comrades of the Online Kingdom of literary thoughts and things. Goodness gracious me, where hath the time vanished? Tis April already, followeth by May, then June cometh after…wards. Oh dear lord, the venomous lyrics of Rebecca Black hath poisoned me. Out with ye damn song! Out, I say!

For today, noticeable is a difference in my wordings. Be it for creativity or mere amusement for thee fair ladies and kind gentlemen. ‘Twas not long ago, methinks of the ‘awesomeness’ of such ability to speaketh like so. Dost thou knowest the hardships of articulating in archaic tongue? Forsooth I know not, until yester-noon wherefore with my entire endeavour, struggled to converse in such olde likeness. Verily, I apologise for my lacking in competence and I bid for thy forgiveness in the errors of my feeble attempt. Perchance, this trial of an amateur shall improveth for the betterment. If God Wills It.

Yours truly hath felt the urgency to practice archaic English, aye, tis the olde English. To speaketh like those who liveth in the Shakespearean days whether commoners or peasants, will help improveth my archaic fluency. If I atrociously suck, pfft, what care I? ‘Least I tried innit..

The dressing of this blog hath changed and my blog loathes change, it retaliated and away it tooketh all the blog links that I have openly stalketh. Oh the treachery! The frustration! Give in I shall not! With all necessity, I hope thou whose blog I once obediently followed and promoted shall write me thy blog link for it shall be forever safely kept! Assurance I give to thee. May thou ever so kindly write me thy link via facebook or the good ol’ mail of electronic. Such a beauteous thing technology is, albeit at times tis like an ill-tempered bladder!

Back to reality, as I exited the hall of examination where my intellect was under great scrutiny, from afar, under the glistening of the sun there stoodeth my former infatuation. And to think once upon a youthful time, I fancied that lad… -_- Thoughts and emotions previously frolicking about, good riddance to thee! I need not that petal aplucking ‘he likes me, he likes me not’ drama. Mehh..[wait, did they use mehh back in the day? =/]

As my final battle of ink to paper has begun, I cannot be arsed to delve into scriptures of knowledge and nonsense [GrammaticalAnalaysis]. Shakespeare would surely giveth his concurrence on my take at GA. For what use is it? Will there come a day wherefore I shall be asked ‘I command you to give me the Textual Metafunction of this sentence I am uttering.’? I THINK NOT! What in the bloody hell is textual metafunction?..for my brain shall not absorb such balderdash! By my troth, is this subject worthy of any virtue? I foretell a good future absent of such twaddle.

That is all for today. For tomorrow, cometh new drama.

Adieu.

Lady Khamizah,

Daughter of Kholil, of the Java Kin- ;p

[Apart from my Arab, Chinese and Malay blood, I'm part Javanese too, FEAR ME!]
[FYI Siti actually means lady in Arabic]

p/s

Happy Birthday Ji-su Park. Better known as Jennifer. Have a Happy 19th! I pray that we'll meet again soon. And college life will get better...wish I were in Kyung Hee with you or you here with me...Love you darling. <3 (come to malaysia!!! me and medusa I mean maduka are waiting for you!)

C'est la Vie

2011-03-17T12:26:00.002+08:00

I've written a lot of poetry...but I've never posted them coz often they are too personal to be shared, but I'll let this one slip. I wrote this in my Fiqh class an hour-ish ago. Was super sleepy so it helped keep me awake.

17th March

It's 10:42, and I'm still sitting in class,

My mind is wandering, waiting for time to pass.

The lecturer speaks, but I'm not listening,

When I look at the slides, I'm not really seeing.

Too many things are buzzing in my mind,

At times like this, I need to rewind.

Emotions and feelings, so much I've kept suppressed,

Not long before they'll be expressed.

It'd be liberating to let my heart speak out loud,

But thinking of the consequences, best to not be found out.

I am struggling with this self-strife,

And they all keep telling me, it's part of life.

Face it and move on, it won't take over me,

But if it does... the French would say, C'est la vie.

-Mizah K.-

*currently eating in the library*

A Random Rant (part 2)

2011-03-06T14:39:00.001+08:00

It is rare for me to be writing a post several hours after my last post. Well since I missed out in February, gotta make up for it, even if it’s just me rambling like a drama queen.

This is perhaps one of the most pretentious thing I’m about to share. There’s this one subject I’m taking this semester which is my least favourite. I see no purpose of learning it, it is a complete waste of my time and livelihood, and the subject is so tedious that I can feel myself die a little inside…my brain cells refuse to digest such unnecessary information. I feel like asking my lecturer what is the point of learning it?!?! Coz believe me, I’ve tried consoling myself by convincing my heart and mind that there is some noble reason to be learning all this crap….but truth is, there is NO POINT. Which subject is it? Here’s a hint, it’s definitely not a literature based subject. It’s one of the linguistics. Normally most lecturers will at some point in the semester mention why we need to know this…but this lecturer still has not said anything.

To add more to my irritation…the lecturer is pretty big on favouritism. I hate favouritism, even if I’m the one being favoured, it’s still a horrid unfair thing! But in this case, I’m not favoured, I’m not even acknowledged until recently. At the beginning of the semester, I would answer her questions, but she would never learn my name or show any recognition of it. This one time, she was looking for a word..and I completed her sentence and she was very grateful but she did not even look at me. Some might think I’m overreacting, but when a student consistently answers the questions in class, wouldn’t the right thing to do would be to give the student a little credit?!?!? So then I made a no-more-answering pact, so to this day I do not bother to give any attention to the subject. Ironically as much as I hate this subject, I’ve never missed a class, but I feel like skipping so badly coz I think the lecturer does not deserve my presence! I sure sound like I don’t know my place. Most people skip coz of laziness, but I think my reason is pretty concrete. How else will this lecturer learn to appreciate her students?

But I mentioned how she now knows my name…just last week she got it right, and it’s not just Mizah but she said ‘Siti Khamizah’, and last week was the 12^th week of the semester! Should I be flattered? No. Coz I know why she remembers my name all of a sudden. You see, we were asked to do this revision homework but she never said to hand it in. So I ‘creatively’ did this homework thinking she’ll never read it…and I made sentences which directly insulted the subject and her class…and then I gave it in and completely forgot that I had written something that will surely piss her off. I dreaded the return of the homework. When she called my name, she looked at me. She actually raised her head at my direction… O_O. Well at least I finally got her attention now eh? And during that very same class she was looking for a victim to answer the question, and surprise surprise she chose me and uttered ‘Siti Khamizah’. In order to get a lecturer’s acknowledgment of my existence, if being really good doesn’t work, then being rebellious will certainly gain some attention.

Another change in me, I have become a bit of a nationalist, or to make it sound nicer, very patriotic! This came to me as a bit of a shocker. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, or if it’s something to be considered wrong. I think when you live in foreign land for too long, once you return to motherland you suffer from some weird reversal effect. It’s something I still constantly ponder about. I haven’t yet reached to a conclusion.

When I was doing my foundation studies, I got along well with the International students. I was fresh out of high school, so being with them sort of reminded me of high school. But then little by little, I stopped being close to them. I’m now always annoyed with the mainstream International students. This semester, the internationals I’m close to are the ones who aren’t in packs, they’re the lone ranger kinds, always on their own. They are very approachable and easier to be open with. When I see the mainstream ones in big groups, I get aggravated. I don’t even bother integrating with the lot of them as much as before. I’ve always loved learning about other cultures and stuff, but I’ve become apathetic. I’m still not sure why I feel this way, is it because I don’t like people acting like they own the university? Some sort of inferiority complex? Or maybe coz they sometimes get away with things? I don’t feel like it’s any of those in particular… or maybe I just feel the need to stand my ground for my country? Whatever it is, I hope I figure it out soon…It’s very un-Mizah of me to be like this. But rest assured, I’m not racist or anything.

I’ve also been facing an identity crisis. I think that’s what you call it. I don’t really feel like I fit in IIUM, I feel like I belong here but I don’t fit in. Does that make sense? I can’t really shed any more light on this, coz again, still contemplating bout it. Oh and recently my best friend from high school, Maduka [think I’ve mentioned her a couple of times on here] came to Malaysia and she’s here to do her degree [another one of my umrah prayers which came true!!] and that brought the 14 yr old Mizah back. The last time I saw her was 5 years ago, to see her again was so refreshing. We both had to contain our excitement for weeks due to fear of jinxing her coming here. And when I saw her, wow…had to poke her a couple of times to make sure she’s real. Seeing is believing but I still couldn’t believe what I was seeing. From all my best friends, she’s definitely one of the top! I like myself most when I’m with her and the other girls from QIS. I was happiest with them. That’s when I can be 100% Mizah.

In IIUM, I’d say I’m about 80% Mizah, I’m not saying I 'm a different person …I just hold back a bit coz part of me doesn’t really suit the IIUM environment, with the exception of when I’m with a few people who are very much like me. Being with Maduka reminded me of how I like myself to be and how I actually was back then. This is all very hard to explain. I should be talking to someone about this…coz this has been bothering me for a really long time. To put it simply, I feel like I’m not as comfortable in my own shoes as I’d like to be.

As for the missions I always set myself on, one of the ice-breaking mission I've been waiting for the longest was finally accomplished. It's been set out since Nilai and I finally had the courage to get it done. I don't even know why this one frightened me the most..coz the dude's so friendly! I'd tell you more but I think I've shared enough. I wish to enjoy this success in solitude.

That’s enough of my emo session. I’m feeling rather gloomy… time for Pretty Little Liars! [my current guilty pleasure!]

-Mizah K.-

p/s

Cant be arsed to proof-read this. Ignore any errors.

A Random Rant (part 1)

2011-03-06T02:54:00.002+08:00

Dannng, it’s March ALREADY!?!?! I forgot to write for February!.... It’s 2:54AM, I’m done performing for Ummatic Week and did my laundry and waiting for Pretty Little Liars to finish loading….so this blog is not really based on inspiration, henceforth to put it simply, it may suck. But if you’re really bored, do read, you might find happiness in my misery and who knows, I might just amuse you. =P

My life has very much drastically changed from the time between this post and the last post. I have changed so obviously that I can actually feel it happening, I cannot answer whether it is for the better or for the worse...but let’s just say I am extremely laid back and I have reached a level of procrastination which should get me awards! I am definitely an advanced procrastinator by now, and I’m not proud to say that I am proud of this non-recognised achievement. My ego has risen coz of it. Not good.

Last semester I procrastinated by leaving everything to the last day. This semester, I went up a couple of notches and finished everything RIGHT ON THE DOT!! Like for my Fiqh assignment, I printed it right on time to submit it to the lecturer. And you know what my most memorable procrastination moment is? Just last week we got our midterms back. And in this particular midterm, the exam was at 9pm, I started studying for it at 5pm that very same day. I was having a panic attack coz I was so not ready for it [which my classmates clearly noticed]. Then a few days ago, we got back our results, and I got the highest in the class, like WTF!!?!??! My classmates were rather annoyed coz they all studied days before, and I remained speechless. I kept wondering what God is trying to say to me.

We all regret procrastinating but we still continue to do it….why?!?! Well for me, it’s coz I still pull through, I haven’t failed yet. I feel like God is giving me a lot of chances and I never seem to learn from my past lessons so I am rather worried that my luck will one day soon run out. So does getting a good grade justify my procrastinating? And I just loooove the feeling when I still make it in the end even when I leave it right to the last minute. It’s the moment where I feel like I narrowly escaped my doom. When I survive, it feels SPECTABULOUS. It’s one of those times in life I feel superhuman…and invincible. I mean who doesn’t want to feel that right? [my mom’s gonna give me a massive lecture once she reads this post -_-]

The next change in me is... I’ve begun to say No and I’m slacking for all the right reasons. I don’t want to die. That’s definitely a legit reason. Too much work = death. Juggling 5 clubs/societies and doing 20 credit hours is no picnic. Recently, with one of the clubs I’m in, my fellow club-mates said that they keep hearing my name being mentioned amongst the seniors of that club. This puts me in the danger zone. They said I’m definitely in the list of potential members to join their mother-ship. This is not the club that I wish to conquer, though if I did, they’d probably hate me for all the major reforms I’d impose on them. It’s for their own good that I don’t want to be part of their team. So that’s why I’m slacking. I stopped coming to their meetings, stopped giving them ideas, I go against every suggestion they have...and basically I do not ‘seem’ to know my place. I could tell that they were disappointed at my recent behaviour and that meant SUCCESS!!! Although I’m damaging my own reputation, I do not care, for my good health and a peaceful mind makes it worth it. Coz this club stresses me out like anything! My first attempt at self-destructing my punctual reputation was dismal. I purposely came late to a meeting, but what I thought was ‘late’ apparently was still EARLY coz the others came much MUCH later. -_- I was still the first one to be there and they complimented me on it!! Oh- the frustration! *pulls headscarf!!* But no worries, I’m getting better at not being good.

I realised that when I’m so uber organized, people are gonna keep relying on me to do this and that. I reached breaking point coz in the last event, I was given a task which was not in my field of work. And what pissed me off was the way in which this dude asked me to do it…he gave me the task the day before the event! [A BIG NO NO in MK’s BOOK!], then he said ‘thanks’ at the end of the typed message. You see readers, when a person gives thanks in advance, it implies that he/she isn’t asking you to do it, but is ordering you to do it! It ain’t my job, I ain’t doing it. So I said ‘No’. And he was deeply taken aback and this is where I smile gleefully and prance around like a ballerina! I am definitely not the order-following club member anymore, at least not in this club. Then came his lame technique of compromise where he said he’ll do part of it and that I just have to do this one part. And this ‘one part’ just happens to be the LION’S SHARE of the work. Can you see the neon lights saying FAILURE IN NEGOTIATING!?! So again I said ’No’, and he never replied my message after that. So now in this one club, my level of reliability has wonderfully dropped, therefore the amount of unwanted work piled onto me has decreased. No regrets there!

I’m glad these people are getting the point that I am not that same Junior anymore. Some of them seem worried that they can’t seem to get the same level of commitment from me. To them I say: You don’t further burden the hand that does all the work for you! Everyone likes giving me all the work, then I do it coz I want to sincerely help, that’s how I normally am, but now they REALLY make FULL use of me, and what annoys me most is that they still treat me like a subordinate. And I hate how they think their club is more important than all the other clubs I’m in. This is really awful of me to say, but sometimes I feel like quitting all my posts right before an event to ruin all the plans they have so it’ll look bad on them. But of course, I would never do that, my integrity does not allow my personal feelings to jeopardize major events and programmes. Though I have imagined it in my head, and it never fails to put a smile on my face. But that’s about as evil as I can get...for now.

How dedicated I am to a club, depends on how well they treat me. That is the trick to getting Mizah to be dedicated again…it’s not that hard, simple basic work ethic! One club I particularly like is the environmental club, Green Team. My heart and soul is in it coz the people are so organized, efficient, and are part of a good cause! I don’t mind pouring my blood, sweat and tears for them.

So as you have read, I’m slacking for a good reason, for my own happiness and wellbeing. That is my rant for now. I shall continue tomorrow.

-Mizah K.-

p/s

My posts seem to be gettin’ more personal. =/

Dear 21 Year Old Mizah

2011-01-08T18:54:00.003+08:00

This is my first post for 2011, yeah I suck at blogging consistently. I'm busy. Like for real, I have so much stuff to do. So a few days ago, I thought I was losing it. I was extremely close to hitting rock bottom. Yeah, Mizah Kholil nearly losing it... not my marbles no... just felt like quitting you know. I may be good at being responsible but it does not mean that I like all the responsibility being piled onto me. It seems that everybody wants something from me. ughhhhhh okaaay I don't want to go into further detail about the crappy week I'm having. To my parents who are reading this, don't worry bout me. My integrity does not permit me to give up so I will survive. So anywaaaaaaay.....

I've been meaning to do this blogpost when I turned 19 last november... but then of course a lot of stuff popped up in life so had to delay it. I finally found the time to type it.

This is a post for the future Mizah to read. Sort of like a time capsule thing. I won't be reading this post again til I'm 21 [hopefully I'll still be alive, if God wills it], so that would be in November 2012.

May the future Mizah not disappoint present [will be past] Mizah.

Dear 21 year old Mizah Kholil,

Since you are reading this, I hope you're actually 21 now, otherwise you've done serious damage to your integrity. I sure hope you have followed 'the plan'. At this age, you should be a competent driver and able to drive papa's big ol' blue merc. If you can then woaaaaah *salutes you*, bet Zikry's feeling threatened.

If Zikry is married, and if it's to a a gedik/bimbo-ish girl, try to be nice to her even if you're smarter than her. BUT if he married someone you approve, I just hope you didn't cry at their wedding. Wouldn't want to look all puffy eyed in their wedding photos, coz those photos stay permanent!!! People get married...you will too...*shudders*. IF Zikry isn't married, then....make the most of the time you have with him now. Make sure he spoils you healthily. Help him find a nice non-bimbo girl, someone whose as knowledgeable as him and someone who knows how to suck up to you in all the right ways. In his wedding, make sure he lets you choose the cake. If Siti is married, wow...that must be tough for you.. I hope they gave you the leftover cake. =p Can't be clingy with her anymore, she has a man. Give her space. Don't annoy her. But, if she's not married yet, heeeee! :)

That business risk you took 2 years ago better have paid off. I hope you actually gained some profit. If not, then business is CLEARLY not your thing. BUT if you're making good money, then that's really shocking. No, I am not underestimating you, I am being realistic, plus, I know your weaknesses really well since I AM YOU..-__- and at this exact moment [in past Mizah's time] you're not doing enough for that business!!! You should also be working on getting a publisher right now. PLEEEEASE tell me you actually finished your novel. You better have not lost that inspiration. Coz you're idea seems like it's got potential...so hope you're sticking to it. As for your other blog where you're sharing your creative writing, that story should be completed by now. 50 followers would be good. I'm thinking, there should be 80 chapters at least? If you abandoned it then you really are hopeless!!!

Your social network should be thrice the amount it is now. You should have lots of friends from IRK and BAR and Architecture [this mission should be easy!] You should still be doing your chocolate giving tradition at the start of every semester. If you seem to know too many people and cannot afford to buy quality chocolate for all of them, then just give it to those who regularly say Hi to you first.

I hope you're not affected by the awful early marriage-inducing environment that university of yours is filled with. I know it pisses you off and hope it's still pissing you off, if it doesn't piss you off anymore then I have no idea what the hell happened to you....you must not conform Mizah! If any of your friends are married, be happy for them, if they complain about how they can't juggle marriage+studies, you probably won't sympathise them but try to not rub it in their faces. If any of your taken friends ditch you for their significant other, then you have every right to do the same to them.

Academic-wise, your CGPA/GPA should always be well above 3.4. Your star system should have more than 20 events, You're definitely an English Literature major by now, minoring in Islamic Revealed Knowledge. Hope you have lots of Lit classes with Aisyah as planned 2 years ago! :)You should be less active, try to say NO, stop being a Yes girl! I'm not sure whether you can die from being a people-pleaser, but I certainly don't plan on being the first one. Plus I don't want you to be looking like a zombie again..wouldn't want to scare off any future 'prospects'. *coughscoughs* You should try getting into the ELITS mainboard...that would look very impressive in your CV. Hopefully the current seniors in my time will be gone in your time. =p So then, you can rule the right way and ensure the society will have zero bimbo-ness and will be free from arrogant and MEAN BENLs! [which is why I have little faith in the current line-up] :) As for other societies/clubs, don't bother as much MK...they only stress you out and take advantage of you. I also hope you've done something that makes you worthy of being called a humanitarian. Put your compassion to good use! Don't be wasting it on people who don't deserve it! You should already have explored the other departments especially Architecture and Economics, ignore Law, coz that building is uber gloomy and depressing.

You should still be single, if not.... TRAAAITOR! I doubt you have found your potential husband at this tender age. Knowing you, you probably haven't. Hehe. Btw, I hope you're over lavender, no more melting at the sight of him or when he talks to you. That would be silly and embarrassing. You're 21 for maturity's sake! Shallowness can be very harmful. If your 3rd intake BENL gang [tinah, shazna, naqib, nabil] have 'someone' and you still don't, no need for stressing, we've all agreed the order of whose to be taken first and you're the last one. No pressure MK. ;)

As for all your missions, I'm sure you succeeded in 90% of them right? Specially the ice-breaking ones. Though there's just one ice-maker which you probably still haven't fully broke ice with. As much as it annoys you, just forget about it since he's the one making it impossible. You can try confronting him but as he warned, he'll make the situation so awkward that you want to leave. -_- How frustrating, so don't bother unless you feel like challenging yourself to overcome that awkwardness. Besides, its not a loss to you, plenty of other icebreaking to do. As for the other type of missions that you have...I honestly don't know what to tell you coz it's all so confusing and weird ...but I hope it's all good?...whatever that means.

Now, just to remind you in case you have forgotten, please read a book a week, especially the classics, YOU MUST TACKLE THE CLASSICS ABOVE OTHERS! I pray that there are no bad weirdos constantly annoying you. I hope you still don't have to runaway from them. Please remain close friends with those who make effort to see you. You should be uber close especially with that particular new found flamingo[new mission!] but do not fall coz that would complicate life, as if you need any more unnecessary drama. Don't make anyone your priority if you're only their option. Surround yourself with people who make you happy, spend your last few semesters with your friends, not on extra curricular activities. That would be lame and sad and pathetic and you'll regret not spending your time with people you actually want to be with. Don't spend your time, money, effort, and emotions on people who never do the same for you. This ain't no one way street.

If you're on 'search-mode' please find a guy who is smarter than you in different things so you won't dominate him. If you dominate him then it'll be hard for you to look up to him. Law and English majors are a no-no! I hope you have a concrete plan for Durham btw. Hope you're still in good contact with jen, maduka, sammy, jana, syania and the others. They are truly the best of friends, so save money to visit them! When you feel confused about the world, always get their opinion first. They know you better than you know yourself sometimes.

I really hope by now that you feel like you do 'fit in' in IIUM. Musn't let your heart rule your head. May your battles with all your internal demons make you a better human being. If you have changed, it should only be for the better. Maintain your work ethics, punctuality, determination, and most of all, your integrity.
Mizah, please Be Mizah.

Sincerely,
Your-Concerned-19-year-old-less-mature-Self.

p/s
I so hope you got better in handling all these annoying infatuations...And I hope you have found a cure for being such a sucker for gentlemen, it's ridiculously heart-melting... T_T
"If all else fails, go for the daisy before it gets picked!"

How I Became Open-minded

2010-11-06T04:49:00.009+08:00

I'm actually not supposed to blog today, but inspiration kept nudging me so here goes. There are many occasions where I sit in class and just casually glance at my classmates, the Malaysian ones especially; the majority of them are so studious. Really studious. It made me reminisce...and do a lot of pondering. Whenever I go to their rooms, their bookshelves are full of dictionaries, textbooks and on their notice boards, many of them have a lot of definitions, formulas or grammar rules [for Arabic] pinned to it and yes I know it's an excellent method of remembering for exams; by decorating your wall with 'knowledge'. But I can't help and think to myself 'How Asian of them!'...yeah, I know I know, I'm stereotyping. You know what's ironic about this? I used to be considered very Asian [again, I'll be using this label a lot, get used to it].

When I was in Year 9 [Form 3 for the malaysians and Grade 8 for those who are familiar with the American system], my school was in Qatar and it is more towards the religious side in the sense that yes, my school was co-ed BUT boys and girls were separated as in, for my year we had like 4 year 9 classes, 2 were all girls and the other 2 classes were all boys. It was a British based education but still strongly follows the ways of Qatar. At that age my closest friends were non-Muslims but they were the...how should I say this..um... 'tamed' ones. Like my one friend, Jennifer, she's a strong Christian Protestant, she drinks wine and all but never the type to get drunk. Then there's Maduka who's a Buddhist and well, she's full of positive spirit and basically all of them were very good and not the kind that would get into trouble. [but of course we had our crazy yet still civilised moments ;)] So I was surrounded with really good people, and I mean REALLY GOOD (the kind you'd feel safe having your children hanging out with). They were certainly some of the bestest of best friends I could possibly ask for.

But then I moved to a new school, still a British International school, this time truly co-ed and most of 'em were very 'well experienced' in the 'Oh, I have to make mistakes only then will I learn' sense. And my school was more secular coz Jordan has really modern Arabs [most of 'em don't wear abayas...more towards jeans and very into fashion and brands]. 14 going on 15 year old Mizah was quite judgmental and narrow minded. It took awhile for me to realise this. When I say judgmental I mean that I branded some people as bad through and through just coz of certain things they did. I only chose to see one side of them.

I got the shock of my life when a few cheated in quizzes [some asked me for answers]...then I found out half of 'em smoke and do a lot of other stuff you think only happens on TV. I saw lots of stuff that scarred my mind. Many traumatising experiences. I thought most of them were mean and just 'messed up'. I didn't want to surround myself with them. [if any of my old classmates are reading this, please read til the end. :) ] My year 10 was mostly spent with this one girl, Yu Jin, she's Asian too and very well mannered, but we didn't have too much in common other than the fact that we were organised. and was quite high in the 'good kids' scale. Yes, so I too was considered very 'Asian' in the sense that I got good grades, always well informed as to what's happening in school, teachers valued my opinion [crap.. now I'm starting to sound conceited ...but these are the 'ASIAN' traits]. I was quite the diplomatic goodie two-shoes of a kid, every time I'd do something that's super civilised...they'd say 'God Mizah, you're so ASIAN!' [in a complaining annoyed tone]

Then my good Asian friend moved, so I had no choice but to stick with the others. We were a small class, so I had to face them. Then I realised my mistake. I did it all wrong. I wasted nearly the whole of Year 10 trying to make the boundaries clear...by staying on what I thought of as 'the good side'. I sorta friggin’ segregated myself from them. Such a stupid thing to do. A few of them knew I didn't like their ways especially the lazy ones who whenever I'm stuck doing work with, I know I can't properly rely on them. Most good kids when surrounded by kids who aren't as 'good' [please don't be offended to any ex classmates reading this!...read til the end!] normally turn to the dark side right..so I thought I was saving myself by staying away from them...boy was I wrong.

My classmates were 15-16 and at that age of um...’exploring’. Of course I couldn't evade them for long. In school, lots of work has to be done in groups and in pairs so whether I want to or not I had to get along for the sake of my grades. [See? even my intention was whacked!] The turning point was during summer vacation. I kept chatting with one of the girl's in my class, it was after all a holiday so there was no pressure of academics, so we simply talked about our interests and we bonded. I set our differences aside and began to see them all in a new light.

It was a new academic year so I decided to turn a new leaf and try to make the most of my final year. I gave my friend [the one I chatted with] a ride home and I discovered that she's practically in the neighbourhood...takes like 3 minutes to walk to her house...[1 YEAR WASTED OF NOT KNOWING THAT!]. She became my best friend. We'd go over each other's houses whenever we can and just chill. Once we got along, everything became easier, she's actually really lazy but she said some of my goodness is rubbing on her too and so I also affected her positively. She'd be so proud when she completed her homework and she'd actually show it to me, lol. She just needed encouragement, that's all. That one time, her mom sent me home and her mom said 'I dont understand how you two are so close, I mean you Mizah, you're so innocent and nice and Emilia is....' Then Emilia said something in Spanish which I did not get.. lol. And Emilia said 'Whenever my mom calls and asks me where I am, when I say your house, she's like okay, you can stay as long as you want.'. LOL. Then there’s Lana who’s ever so the friendly girl and I also majorly got a lot closer to her. And one by one, it happened with all of them.

In that 1 year in Year 11, I changed a lot. Drastically. I became accustomed to their behaviour. As long as they didn't mess with me, I didn't mind. I actually thought my class were very entertaining in the rudest ways you can imagine. They made all the lessons interesting; like in one of the class, Brian used to play with the sunlight using his metal ruler and the reflection caused a small glint of light to appear so when you move the ruler, you can aim the light at people, and he did it to the teacher's butt and the teacher was delighted coz he thought we were laughing at his story! You know what I love about them, they never judged me in any bad way. Whatever they did, be it drinking and whatnot, it's their business, they know the consequences of too much intake of alcohol. I did advise them once in a while but they're old enough to know, whether they listen to me or not, is up to them. Some of them have family problems, and that made me understand why they did some pretty effed up things. So I helped when I could to minimize the damage.

If I told you I didn’t care about them, that’d be one big lie. I covered for them so many times…and I could’ve easily let them get busted, but I didn’t. Not once. [Besides, a few of them were already in deep shit already…so that wouldn’t help!] And even this other guy, Yangzi who’s also a total Asian [although he’s half German…] would also stick up for the others I realised. Good on you, Yangzi! [and I know he reads this blog whenever I see Frankfurt appear in my live visitors feed]

Yes, many of them were lazy, yes, they didn’t respect the rules as much as I did, yes they did a lot of ‘inappropriate stuff’, yes I’ve seen them go so crazy that I feared they might end up dead (no joke!), yes I had to save their drunken bums a couple of times, …. But as I got closer to them, worked with them, lived with them, suffered with them, I slowly began to like them. They made life exciting…they were daring and did a lot of risky [sometimes stupid!] things that I’d never even do in my dreams... They were amusing, which definitely qualifies them as likable. And they were all growing on me…and they knew it.

Did I mention a lot of the teachers hated our class coz overall, we had a really bad reputation? We were the worst class in school, and the eldest too. This was from my old blog on myspace: We all felt so old being in year 11..we're at the very top..and the Year 7's look up to us..lol ..if u knew MY CLASS...and lil kids lookin' up to students from MY class..u'd definitely think its the end of the world....coz most of the ppl in my class arent the 'role model type'. Read more: http://www.myspace.com/mizah022/blog#ixzz14Qht0py9

There was a barrier, and I knocked it down, yeah it took time and it was not easy. But they've all taught me a lot and brought a change in me that could only happen through experience. I am grateful to have them. They never smeared my name. I wish I was less harsh on them from the beginning, but hey at least I learnt my lesson.

I don't think they really know about all this, but if by any chance one of 'em is reading...I do apologise for the past Mizah’s narrow-mindedness. You guys loosened me up. I needed that. I was really uptight and such a prude that I couldn’t take things lightly. I was always so serious and all about behaving well that I often missed out a lot of the fun stuff in life. My mentality was pretty immature thinking that 'this is messed up, so must stay away.' I made a hasty conclusion. The thing is, what these people did, never directly affected me, [except for the scarred mind bit, but hey, that's part of the experience].

I’ve always been overwhelmed with how supportive they are of me, be it in academics or sports! That one time in class, I got yelled at by the math teacher for the first time and the last time in that school…[I suck at math] and they all got super pissed, more pissed than I was… after class, they complained to Mr Hussain, my ICT and also Business Studies teacher coz he heard the yelling going on...my friends said “You can’t yell at MIZAH!" "Yeah..It’s like an unwritten law. I mean, she’s MIZAH for crying out loud!!" They kept insulting the teacher the whole day and that actually comforted me. Lol. And when we played basketball, whenever I dribbled the ball and can’t see where my teammates are [owing to the fact that I’m so short compared to them, pfft, I’m Asian whadaya expect :p] I would get a slight panic attack as to who I should pass the ball to then Brian would always appear out of no where [he’s super tall and athletic], and he'd say ‘I’m with you Mizah!’. It may not seem like much, yeah, he’s just telling me he’s open and I can pass it to him, but that’s just it, he’s WITH ME…not leaving me on my own. Yeah I’m pretty sentimental about these things. =p

They also made me less of a worrier...like this one guy Apurva [who I know recently visited my blog coz who else is from Kent, Canterbury in my live visitors feed :p]..anyway, Apurva is like super smart...used to call him smart aleck, and he was quite laid back in doing his work yet still managed to get jaw-dropping grades. He did study but he never got as stressed as I was, so I sorta chilled...and took things a day at a time, and so I definitely do not have the 'ASIAN' title anymore. My classmates then thought I was super studious and a neat freak..omg, they should come to IIUM and see the real studious people, I am nothing compared to them! [and now I know how annoyed they feel with these ‘ASIANs’ ;p]

I see my mistake now. I made assumptions so fast, thinking that..."oh they do this..they do that =BAD PEOPLE". I was wrong, these people were good friends to me, they supported me ALWAYS…and they stood up for me and had my back. I was way quick to judge. I am guilty of assuming the worst of others. When you automatically cut off someone out of your life just because they do stuff you don’t like, you also cut off opportunities of learning and self-growth... you can't expect to see the good side of them unless you let yourself into their lives and vice-versa! I'm glad I took the chance to get to know and understand them. These days, when I see someone and he/she does something which I don’t get why they would do it, I assume they have their reasons and think nothing more of it. The less negative judgments you make, the less hating you’ll do. I admit, it’s hard to not be cynical when we live in such a corrupted world full of greed, but hey, these people are my friends, not political leaders. =p

I only just thought of blogging about this coz I was studying for my final Islamic Aqidah exam. It's a subject about strengthening your faith and staying connected to that bond you have with God in all that you do even when you're faced with a secular world. My lecturer, Dr Yamin [who's a Muslim convert] said how our faith is constantly being tested by things that are foreign to us. The question is, how does one approach the unfamiliar and make sense of it? It either makes us or breaks us. This is why there's so much hatred in this world. If people could just perhaps take the time to get to know the 'strangers' in their life, I'm sure it would make a difference. Dr Yamin said a lot of things that really made my mind buzz. People are scared of the unknown, yes Islam says alcohol and anything that harms the body is prohibited, but that certainly does not mean I'm supposed to shun these people completely out of my life. They’ve been good to me, I cannot force my religion on them or expect them to do as I do, I have to respect their own decisions in life. They have definitely respected mine. Just because we’re different in our conduct doesn't mean I should label them as horrible people. Earlier I said I thought I was choosing the good side, but really that’s just the excuse of a coward scared to face reality and reluctant to deal with change. I mean, how long can I control my surroundings and avoid ‘those people’? Get real MK!

I’m a teenager, they’re teenagers, we can’t be that different from one another. So I trusted my integrity as solid enough that it won’t break and I know my strengths and weaknesses, one thing about me is that I do not get easily peer pressured and I hate conforming. I always reminded myself…never once did they expect me to become like them...never once did they force me to change. They appreciated my values and they liked me for who I am and they would sometimes even adhere to my moral conduct. [it's always helpful to suck up to the good kid ya know. ;p]Like that one time, one refrained from smoking coz he said 'I don't want Mizah to die, that'd be rude'. In a party, one of 'em got really defensive and protective of me when this other guy who wasn't from our school asked if I wanted a drink. This other guy Dylan, would always have really dirty jokes up his sleeves..normally degrading women or making fun of a race...I used to think he was so rude..but his jokes too grew on me and it became so hard to not laugh. All of their jokes were super inappropriate but if it was all compiled in a book, I wouldn't hesitate to buy! That one time in history class, my History teacher asked a question about the Arab-Israeli conflict, "How many Jews died in the 6 day war Dylan?" He didn't know the answer so typical cheeky Dylan said "Uh...Not enough?"...and the whole class laughed, even me. I normally try to control it but it's impossible! Our teacher scowled at us and as if it made it any better ...Apurva, Hussein and Dylan would all say in defense, 'BUT Ms, EVEN MIZAH'S LAUGHING!!" But of course it's still not acceptable. [If there are any jews reading this, we're not hating on anybody..]

So yeah, I was okay with them all, one even kept sharing with me his recent ‘activities’ with different girls…which he called 'Achievements' and I was like ‘Why are you telling me all this?Keep your intimate stories to yourself!’ He said simply, ‘But you’re my friend!’. That immediately shut me up. So I had to put up with a lot of that too. See what I mean by ‘scarred’? I tried to look at it positively, and because I've been exposed to a lotta 'stuff' in that 'field', whenever they freely talk about it, no one feels embarrassed or awkward coz sometimes the conversation is actually serious. You know how when we were young, we'd all be like 'Ewww coooties!' Well, now when people try to freak me out about that kinda intimate discussion, I don't get affected coz I've dealt with worse. We once had an honest light discussion on boobs, this guy Daniel [who would ask things without feeling embarrassed coz he sincerely is curious] asked out of the blue, 'So what happens if I poke a needle in your boobs? Does it get deflated or is it jelly like in there?'. I cracked up. So it made my maturity level in that field sky rocket. My friends made me immune to it. No awkwardness, that's definitely a plus point.

So I allowed them all into my life. When I tried to set myself an environment where there's nothing that would challenge my faith, that’s not really being religious at all seeing as how I tried to escape the others..that would make me be religious by default not by choice and it’s kinda fake don’t ya think? Whereas when I opened up myself to them and acknowledged them, yes, it tested my religion and my beliefs, but I succeeded, I did not go astray, if anything, I became an even better Muslim. I even helped changed some of their perception on Islam. True piety is when a person can still remain on the right path even when they’re surrounded by many potentially harmful influences, and I helped reduce those harmful influences, God would be pleased right.

It's important to expose yourself to an environment you are unfamiliar with. You shouldn't run away from it, coz that will only make the barrier harder to break, instead, enter it...temptation is a good way to test one's faith. I think a person who faces the unfamiliar and is not shaken by it has a stronger conviction than one who refuses to even try. I know this is exactly what my lecturer was saying... you gotta embrace the unfamiliar...don’t make any judgment, I approached it and made sense of it, embrace but don't let in envelope you, take what’s good and leave the bad. We can all learn so much from one another. It's experiences like these which is a real eye-opener. Experience is VITAL.

You can't go far if you remain in the same 'safe' environment you built for yourself. It’s a jungle out there, there's no guarantee you'll make it out fine but just stay true to yourself, think of God in all that you do, coz when I thought about it, I’m sure Allah disapproves of me disapproving them without properly getting to know them. Allah definitely prefers me loving them and helping them than hating and leaving them on their own. Most of all, always remember to keep an open mind.

These people don't even realise the impact they had on me...as hard as it is to believe, but these people who smoked...and experimented with other things I should definitely not mention MADE ME A BETTER PERSON! They made me a better Muslim! Like what the hell right? Haha...and of course it's a 2 way street, I did notice they became more polite in some ways and still said 'God Mizah, you're so Asian'..but this time in a 'and that's why we love you' manner. That one time, Dylan littered and I called him a 'litter bug' [which is so elementary school of me] and then Emilia was trying to ‘loosen up’ my environmentalist side, so she looked at me and purposely took a wrapper and dropped it and said 'DON'T throw it away Mizah, leave it there'...She was actually challenging me to refrain myself from being such a hippie.. [this is how my hippie nickname came about] I didn't last very long..and she was like 'Dammit mizah! I told you to leave it!' It’s those kind of silly things they did... ^_^

I stopped judging harshly and I lived life with an open mind. I ended up having more best friends [yes I have at least 2 in every school] and had one friggin awesome year! They changed my life big time. They helped me see everything differently. You see, us, you and I, are a lot more alike than we are different...so it’s not impossible to get along. I may not like what they do sometimes, but they know that already so they try to decrease their levels of ’misbehaviour’, yet they still put up with my annoying inclination to obey the rules...[though towards the end of the school year, I learnt that rules really are meant to be broken..haha].

Some awesome quotes which I can totally relate to:

"Those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything." George Bernard Shaw

"What seems nasty, painful, evil, can become a source of beauty, joy, and strength, if faced with an open mind." Henry Miller

“Where there is an open mind there will always be a frontier." Charles Kettering

Charles Kettering, I couldn’t agree more!

May Allah bless them, for they [without realising it] have changed my mind-setting, for the better.

-MK-

p/s

My thoughts in this post aren’t very well written. I wrote this in one go just to get it out of the way. Ignore errors and typos. I'll fix it when I'm bothered. Inspiration keeps bugging me and it comes to me a lot now, so do expect more serious posts. No drawings. I've been contemplating a lot....some strange emotions keep coming...as I'm now able to make sense of a lot of my actions thanks to Islamic Aqidah. And dannnng, I write a lot when inspiration's with me! This oughta make up for my long absence. And I'm not supposed to be blogging coz I got final exams now, but hey, why be so uptight about that right? ;)

Feminism:The Killer of Chivalry

2010-08-27T00:43:00.000+08:00

Hello everyone. Hope you’re all happy and well fed. :o)

Recently I was thinking... [Reader thinking: When don’t you ever NOT think Mizah!?’] thinking of the saying ‘Chivalry is dead’. I hate it when people say that. Mostly my brother says it to me, he knows how agitated I get. Although chivalry normally refers to a Knight in shining armour who heroically saves the damsel in distress, I guess in the modern context, I’m referring to a gentleman.

Has anyone noticed the alarming decline of gallantry among our men? It’s hard to recall the last gentleman-worthy-called act a person has done to me. Normally if someone’s a gentleman, I will remember him for the rest of my life, goes for all ladies I’m sure. ;) Yeaaah, we’re all suckers for guys who open the door for us or offer to walk us home. When I was young I had a massive crush on a boy coz he opened the school’s main door for me every morning... or maybe he did that coz he’s a prefect...lol...anyhow, it’s these little things which makes you notice people and leaves a long-lasting impression.

When I’m talking about being a gentleman, it doesn’t count when you’re doing these chivalrous acts only to friends you know, you should do it to strangers too. Now that’s a real gentleman; when a lad is willing to help people he doesn’t even know. That’s rare in people...society sure has changed. But I am not blaming the lads, coz I realised, it’s mostly the fault of us ladies.

I remember that one time when I was really offended at this guy who thought I wasn’t capable of carrying a box of textbooks. I was all like, ‘I don’t need your help!’ That time, I was 16 and full of ‘girl power and pride’. Lol. I blame the teachers for constantly making everything be Boys VS Girls...but let’s be realistic here...

As a Muslim, I don’t believe in past lives, but hypothetically blogging, if I did have a past life, I am 100% sure that I would either be a tree-hugger Hippie [as convinced by my high schoolmates] or a suffragette. Back in high school, history was my favourite subject [coz I love how it intertwines with Literature], and when we were learning about Suffragettes in England, I was the only girl in my history class so I was even more amazed by all the women who sacrificed so much in order to gain equal opportunities in education, voting, etc as men. *hats off to them* Many went to jail and some of ‘em even died as martyrs [yes, THAT extreme]. I guess learning all that did bring out the inner feminist in me. =/

We live in a time where there are more girls than boys in university, women leaders are far more common than ever before, women are able to take up jobs that are traditionally for men. [A few weeks ago, I got into a cab, and the cab driver was a lady!!! O_O]. Even in school, girls are more studious and generally score better than boys.... all this builds up the fire of feminisim.. and it burns our ego brighter...scaring chivalry away...

Not too long ago when a guy offered to pay the entire bill, I’ll be like ‘What? You think I can’t pay?’ Then the guy gets all confused...he’s trying to do something nice and I completely blew him off...poor chap...*sighs* shame on me...tsk tsk tsk..feminist Mizah! So now I know that guys now aren’t as gentleman-like as back then coz us girls don’t allow them to be.

Being a hardcore feminist makes one’s sense of self image sky rocket...we think that we can do everything on our own and that we don’t need the help of the opposite sex, but we can’t live without them now can we? Our feminism is the murderer of chivalry. So now I must revive it....but how? Lol. Well first of all, let’s remind ourselves...from an Islamic perspective, God clearly states how men and women are equal in different ways. Neither is higher than the other, so there is no need to constantly want to prove that one gender is superior to the other. And to all feminists out there, don’t you miss letting the guys do all the heavy labour? Carrying this...opening that...if they want to help, LET THEM! Get them to make good use of the muscles God has so greatly blessed them with. So yeah, hopefully to all the guys who read this...you will be less reluctant to help a damsel in distress, and I hope the girls reading this will be happy to BE the damsel in distress.

Now moving on, so what’s new in my life [if anyone cares to know, if not, then the future Mizah will probably read back and reminisce the ‘good old days’ once she’s all old and wrinkly..haha]. First and foremost, a further development from my last posting, me and ‘L’ are friends for sure. I invited him to join this event and he did and he helped me out and we actually sat down and talked for 2 hours with NO awkwardness at all. Turns out, he’s just shy, that’s all. It’s an affirmative; this mission which was set when I was in my previous campus is accomplished.

Now as for the second new mission I set myself out for at the start of this semester, yeah the future guy best friend thing...Well this too has development. It’s pretty funny actually, and extremely embarrassing but I sort of asked for it. Remember how I said that I was confident he would read my blog right? And that he might somehow make it ‘easier’ for me to befriend him. Well, I was right on both accounts. He even told me what he thought of my drawing on him *turns slightly red*. Yeah, embarrassing. Anyhow, he encouraged me to be clear about it, so I did so and confessed. Good thing he’s all cool and understanding... see?.. I totally picked the right candidate, haha okay he’s probably reading this, so if you are, you better not be snickering! =p Whether or not he will be my FGBF is hard to tell. I mean, how often is it that you blog about someone who you wish to be your FutureBestFriend and they actually become that? It’s possible but highly unlikely. Well if he does become my best friend, or close friend...I might share. But for now, we’re friends so I’m grateful enough already. I don’t wanna heap any more embarrassment upon myself, =p so moving onnnn!

I’m already half way into my second semester, pretty fast eh... after this semester, I’ll be a second year! You know what that means...goodbye Junior-ness. *climbs up level 2 on the ladder of seniority* Why the late update? I’ve been very occupied with... life..seriously though, I’m doing a LOT, biting off way more than I can chew, but somehow miraculously I still haven’t choked, YET. Despite my busy-ness, I’ve met a lot of new people...hence my network has expanded with a BANG! University is the time and place to make connections with people! So gotta keep at it. It’s doing me a lot of good too, many opportunities have risen, people are asking me to help them out in this event and that activity, and I am very much delighted at every offer! My friends are all telling me to STOP being so active...so I keep telling them, I’m on a mission! That mission, I will tell another day. I’m also in the middle of my mid-semester exams. 3 done, 3 more to go. All I’m saying is that I’m doing faaaar better in Arabic Level 4 than I am doing in my own Malay language, oh-the shame! (maybe I doo need a tutor :p) I was actually supposed to vlog, coz so far I’ve only vlogged once on here, but I haven’t gotten any inspiration yet, and I don’t want to be staring at the camera rambling nonsense. Well, I think that’s enough for today.

Ramadhan Kareem.

Mizah K.

-A former feminist-

Another New Semester

2010-07-17T18:11:00.000+08:00

This Post is an Update on my Life, if you don’t know me, it will be a bore, so don’t bother reading.

Finally, I’m on blogger! Haven’t been on here in aaaages. I was busy going here and there and then the new semester has started so I’m behind in updating photos and reading other people’s postings. But anyhow, this semester has been VERY interesting. Unfortunately I cannot describe in full detail, but let’s just say that I am feeling extremely accomplished in this whole Ice Breaking business.

Exhibit A. Remember the ‘L’ guy from Appreciate the Weird People in Life, well I have spoken to him face to face. Like FINALLLY! Although it was just an unusually enthusiastic ‘Hi’, I must say that it is more than I could hope for. He smiled back and nodded shyly and I was thinking in my head ‘Mission Accomplished!’ It took me 2 long semesters and 1 short semester in Nilai Campus + 1 long semester in Gombak campus to talk to him.. That's more than a year! All that time wasted, this is why it sometimes frustrates me. A lot of bonding time is gone just like that. Soon enough, I’ll ask him what is up with all that staring and laughing back in the day.

Next thing is, have you ever really liked someone so much that you want to just be friends with them coz you know that you’d get along with them really well even though you don’t personally know them? Normally when a friend becomes my best friend it happens naturally, I don’t look for a best friend coz the whole process of best friendship happens without any planning...it just happens. People normally get drawn to their own kinda people, then they get closer and voila, BEST FRIENDS!

I am positively sure all this had something to do with my prayers during Umrah. You see, I have lots of friends and acquaintances, but friends in Malaysia who are exactly my kinda people are a rarity. If you see me on campus, I’m almost always walking alone. I like being a lone ranger though, there is something rather satisfying about it... but when it comes to people, I am most comfortable with those who see eye to eye with me...and there aren’t many. By that I mean, open minded people who sees the world as I see it and understands where I’m coming from. In my previous schools, there are so many of ‘em...in my university, I know a few of those kinda people, but they either have their own pack or belong in other courses, so it’s hard to hang with them. Whenever I’m with them, I feel like life is normal again....and I’m not sure myself what I mean by that....sorta hard to explain.

Anyhow, during Umrah, one of the things I wished for was to have more understanding friends who are ‘my kinda people’. Then when I came back from Saudi, I got a friend request on facebook. I can’t say much about it coz that would reveal quite a bit, but anyhow, this dude remembers me from my previous campus. So naturally I checked out his profile and read his entries and I was absolutely gobsmacked at how uncannily similar his views and opinions are to mine. I was so shocked, I just kept staring at the computer screen thinking to myself ‘THIS IS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE!’ He also has that admirable wit which is rare to find in people these days, and is a very genuine guy. I can go on complimenting him but I don’t want people getting the wrong idea here, basically he is the PERFECT candidate to be my best friend [as lame as that sounded]. At first the whole idea of targeting people to be a close friend seems weird, uncool and somewhat desperate. But I believe that you can never have enough cool understanding, and mature comrades in your life.

As I was walking back to the cafe from my class the other day, I saw the dude alone, minding his own business, and then as dramatic as this will sound, the whole world just froze and blurred and it was just me and the focal point was him...my whole mindset was like “THIS IS IT...TALK TO HIM!”. I got that immediate instinct to just go over there and sit with him. It took me awhile though... I kept having arguments with myself, but in the end my determination won over me...I don’t want to waste any more time hesitating, speculating... this is the perfect chance and if I don’t take it, the opportunity might not come again this easy, I followed my gut and marched up to him without looking back. And you know what; he is exactly what I hoped for in a friend. He wasn’t even freaked out that I randomly sat with him and broke the ice. We talked like we already personally knew each other. And I was very much happy after that!

I now know what kinda people I like... I like the calm, cool and collected. I cannot express enough how immensely attracted I am to them. By attracted, I mean that I like to be in their presence, coz I feel at peace, ease and I get all the tranquility I could possibly ask for. Whenever I am around people who are always well composed, it does something to me. Everyone has an aura, some stronger than others, this particular dude’s aura is very serene making him extremely approachable. I see him and I automatically wanna talk to him and befriend him even though we barely know each other, this whole aura thing is weird, but controlling.

A lotta other stuff happened, but the rest is too personal to share on here. Just know that if I randomly sit down next to you and start talking, there’s probably a good reason for me doing so.

All in all, it’s awesome how a lotta people are coming out of their shell this semester, and I’m getting so much better at breaking the ice! It’s not as hard as before coz I am more determined than ever! And let’s face it, we’re not getting any younger...so no time for hesitating coz the clock’s ticking! As for those people who are still avoiding me [you know who you are]...you can’t avoid me forever. Soon, I’ll randomly sit down and start talking to you too.. it might be today..might be tomorrow, it might be next year, but rest assured, that day will come.

Mizah K.

The Child Inside

2010-05-21T00:25:00.003+08:00

My last post was about me growing up, changing and all that jazz, but hey, there's still a child inside of me, and everyone too I’m sure [or maybe I’m only saying this last bit to make myself feel less of a weirdo..]

Being the youngest, I've always felt that it is a duty for me to play my role well as the 'Little One'. I know for a fact that I am a very annoying daughter and sister. My family members have no choice but to put up with me.You know those little kids who follow you around and never stop asking questions...they just talk, talk, talk, and you feel like wanting to stuff a chewy bar in their mouths just so they’ll stop talking! Well I'm a bit like those talkative kids. XD

I think my dad doesn’t really mind me and sometimes he ‘somehow' encourages ‘Little Mizah’ to come out, like recently at this cultural event show...

[click drawing to enlarge]

Yes, my dad asked me if i wanted a balloon! ^_^ I was quite flattered and felt very much like a kid again.

Even though I'm 18, I still give my daily dose of nuisance which I strongly believe is a necessity. I'm a very curious person, I ask about everything...and by that, I really do mean EVERYTHING...even if it's embarrassing, I still ask...because I want to know and my curiosity needs to be rid of.

If you're older than me, I have the tendency to assume that you are more experienced and should therefore know more, and when you don't know the answer, I punish you with a tiny tantrum [just to add to the drama].
At certain times, I’d go as far as asking questions which I already know the answer to, I just want to make sure that they know the answer, if they don’t, I go all ‘HOW CAN YOU NOT KNOW THAT?! SHAME ON YOU!’ Although my sincere questions may seem ridiculous at times and reaching to the point of absurdity, but when I ask, I promise that it’s with complete earnestness.

These past few weeks, I’ve been stressing over Somali Pirates...these are modern-day pirates who take over ships that pass by and hold the entire crew hostage and demands a ransom from whichever unfortunate country that gets victimised. Every time I check the news, they always capture a new ship and it really bothers me that they get away with it!!! Even Malaysia had to pay them a huge amount! I just wish someone could just fly over their ship and get rid of ‘em. Is that so hard? I know this shouldn’t even be my concern, but it’s this kind of thing that I worry about...so then I share the concern to my mom.

[click drawing to enlarge]

When I want something, I go to my dad, when I want to undermine somebody, it’s my brother, when I’m unsatisfied with someone, I tell it to my mom, and when I want to complain, I do it to my sister.
And sometimes to escape from my complaints, she’ll say..

And that is how a lot of my complaints get published on here! ^_^

May Little Mizah never die!

-M.K.-

Self-reminder as to Why I Blog

2010-05-17T20:42:00.007+08:00

Yesterday, I did a read-through of all my postings from the 26th of September 2008 til now... the reason being is that something was bothering me. My blogging style is not the same anymore, that’s obvious. As I went through the naivety of 16 and then 17 year old Mizah, I learnt a lot. It was very enlightening.

If you read my first ever blogpost on here, "'Epiphany' I explain how I’m blogging for myself, so the future or should I say Present Mizah can read back and see how I have matured. This blog is permanent evidence of my transformation from a ‘raw’, gullible teen to what I am today... a slightly more experienced young *coughsWOcoughsMAN*. And all of you readers *points at you, yes YOU* are living witnesses to this profoundly historical event of my evolution. Yes, evolution and no, I am NOT turning into a dinosaur!

[click drawing to enlarge]

I’m evolving...developing...progressing...growing...changing...(okay, running out of synonyms!) into an adult. How do I know this? Well besides the undeniable fact that everyone is mentally developing whether they want to or not, I also can feel it happening, inside my head! I’ve been having some majorly unfamiliar emotions and feelings and I can’t quite understand it, but I have a better idea of what it is today than I did yesterday. Just in case anyone got the wrong idea, I am NOT IN LOVE!

There is also a constant argument going in my head between the Immature Mizah who is stubbornly ego-minded and does not want to back down without a fight against the New Mizah who is treading gently into adulthood and is willing to take the reins. The immature voice keeps screaming in my head “MIZAH, WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?! YOU’RE BECOMING A YOU KNOW WHAT! THIS ISN’T THE PLAN! YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO STAY A KID FOREVER!! Peter Pan is going to be very disappointed in you!!” And the new Mizah is all "Meh.."

Based on my previous postings, the past Mizah doesn’t want to get her license until she’s like 25, well guess what, this Mizah is thinking of getting it a few years earlier. The younger Mizah finds marriage scary but present Mizah is learning to accept it...and is actually slightly bothered to look for a candidate. (:p) But I guess expensive cake also has something to do with it...

Today, I’m just reminding myself why I started blogging in the first place. I did it for me. & I am content with what has come out from all this. Though I am glad that other readers such as yourself can relate to it at times and perhaps some of you may understand me better now...I hope!

Just remember, this is the Mind of Mizah K. To be on this blog is to have access to a small part of my mind where you can know what I've been contemplating about. I never even expected others to read this blog except for the future me.

Somewhere along the way, I somehow forgot my real reason for blogging and I kept losing inspiration just as fast as I got it. I also suffered a great deal of writer’s block and I began to hate my postings...but I know better now. You’ll notice a slight change in my postings. Change is good. I need it. And as mentioned before, as you follow my postings, you are all witnesses to my ‘maturing’. It’s like I'm a chubby purple plum happily growing and you are all lazily sitting on the bench, watching me ripen as the days pass by and my blog lives on...

[click drawing to enlarge]

Thank you for witnessing.

Mizah Kholil

Annoying Social Habits

2010-05-06T04:36:00.003+08:00

There are lots of things in life I find annoying... from my own incapability of distinguishing hunger from boredom to other people’s inability to know the appropriate social conduct in life. These are things I think most normal people would agree with me. I think this is going to be the first of many ‘Annoying Social Habits’ postings. These are things I experience in everyday life so I’m sure ya’ll can relate...and every once in awhile when I get a new annoying behaviour, I’ll update my blog on it. Here, I ‘benignly’ share with you some of the social pet peeves I am most not fond of! [In random order]

1. The “It’s Up to You” Reply [I really loathe this one!]

I know everyone is familiar with this ASH [Annoying Social Habit] coz it happens to me at least 3 times a month so if it happens to me that many times, I’m sure it happens to you. This ASH happens when you are normally out with friends and you want to be polite and not be seen as the bossy one who likes to take in charge, so out of courtesy and thoughtfulness, you kindly ask ‘where do you wanna eat’...and then your friend says, ‘I dunno, where do you wanna eat?’ and then you say, ‘but I’m asking you’ and then your friend says ‘It’s up to you’... OKAY now... your friend said ‘ITS UP TO YOU’ ....meaning it is UP TO YOU TO MAKE THE FINAL DECISION! And so then you say ‘Fine...let’s go to Outback.’ But then your friend makes a face and says ‘NO’... and that is when I hate the infamous ‘It’s Up to You’ reply.

Here’s another more recent example:

Mizah: So tomorrow what time should I come over?

Person: I dunno... it’s up to you..

Mizah: Aiight ..if ya say so, hmm..how about 3pm?

Person: umm...can you come earlier?

Mizah: *while trying to control my annoyance* okay...1pm?

Person: nope. I’m busy.

Mizah: pffft (T_T) *thinking: THEN WHY DID YOU SAY ‘IT’S UP TO YOU?!'*

Honestly blogging, what is the point of me making the final call only to be rejected?! This whole ‘It’s Up to You’ business is only a problem when they ‘lie’ to me by all of a sudden deciding that it’s not up to me after all. But if they say it’s up to me and they follow and agree to my suggestion, only then the ‘It’s Up to You’ reply becomes a good social habit. ;)

I always ask first ‘where do u wanna go?’ coz I’m not sure what their kind of hangout spot is...What if I go to a restaurant that is too expensive for them? Or too dodgy for their liking? That’s why I’m giving them the choice to choose in the first place. But in the case where everyone says ‘I dunno.. I dunno.. your choice...you pick’...then that’s when I think.. ‘Right. WELL THEN YOU MUST NOT DISAGREE WITH ME!’

NEVER SAY ‘IT’S UP TO YOU’ unless IT TRULY IS up to the other person, coz when you say that, you have given complete authority to the friend to make the decision. AND THEREFORE YOU MUST ABIDE WITH WHATEVER YOUR FRIEND SAYS!!!!!!! NO BUTS!!! And when you disobey and cruelly refuse to comply... you know how it feels? I feel like the person has gone all Margaret Thatcher on me, making me undergo a sense of redundancy and uselessness...and a wee bit of disrespect as well. Only say it when you mean it! CAPISH!?

2. 2. “Give without expecting anything in return” in other words... a bunch of BULLCRAP.

Now what happens if you keep giving and giving (referring to giving presents to people), but then one enlightening day after years and years of endless generosity [and empty pockets].. you stop and realise, ‘how come I never gotten anything back?’ I’m talking about buying presents or souvenirs for not just any friend but close friends... Isn’t there some kind of unwritten law of CLOSE FRIENDSHIP and BEST FRIENDSHIP that you should buy a gift for them when the occasion for gift-giving arises?

As a result of the lack of being on the receiving end these past 2 years, it has now made me become cheaper...much cheaper..! I used to be the kind of person who loved giving stuff, it was fun, I like seeing my friends’ faces light up whenever they unwrap that special something! Sure, I was considerate then but at the same time I’ve realised that at times I was being used up. Younger Mizah was so naive, tsk tsk tsk.. Life is no one way street. The only one way street that exists are the ones in those small narrow dark streets where nobody but suspicious people who are up to no good pass through, now isn’t that saying something? It’s gotta go both ways.

The thing with me is even if I’m not with you on your birthday, I’ll still make sure you get the present later... but then when it’s my birthday...it’s always ‘Oh I’m so sorry I wasn’t with you on your birthday...*forgets the whole thing*’. Well at least I know who my thoughtful real friends are now... sucks to say there aren’t that many, sucks to be taken for granted, but that’s life! I was just faaar too kind. If there is no souvenir for you, at least now you know why. Sure a gift is nice... but it’s really the fact that I always feel like I’m the only one who’s making a real effort in making this friendship work...

From now on, I’ll only spend money on those who are worth it... Giving back is common courtesy. You can’t keep taking and never giving back. It is a way to show your appreciation for your friend and how you feel that they are worthy of getting something. And yes I know about the whole thing how God will repay us even more, but I’m talking about friendships here and one’s duty as a good friend.

MK’s ‘Guidelines of the Conventional Social Protocol, Etiquette & Things of that Sort’ AKA Mizah’s Universal Code of Conduct. Those who follow are civilised, and those who don’t will face some hardship...

Rule #23 Under the Financial Section (:P)

Only be generous to those who are generous to you. And be cheap to those who are cheap to you. As for the others who never spend a cent on you, albeit you have spent a lot of money on them, use the money for yourself instead and then question this friendship. Really question the friendship. Are both sides putting equal amount of endeavour, money, time, feelings? Think about it.

Consequences of neglecting this rule:

You will be broke, rarely get free food, people will use your generosity to their advantage which within due time will lead to your own financial crisis [this is however an exception to anyone whose money is always in abundance (lucky rich people!)] The upside to it, God will reward you in other forms or through other means unknown to you, that is His promise.

To any young gullible reader, don’t take what I write too seriously okay. :p

3. 3. The concept of “Saving the best for Last”

Let’s put this into context.. I’m talking about one of the most important words in the entire overweight yet knowledge-ful dictionary which begins with the letter F...no... not family... and not friends..and it’s definitely not a bad word [to those who are proficient in foul language..*naughty naughty!* ] in case any of you were thinking it! :p....anyhow...the word is food!

When I eat something like fried noodles, the kind that’s sautéed with lovely delicious king sized prawns, I ALWAYS put the obese shrimps aside since I like to save the best for last. My friend who sits next to me would assume that I do not eat shrimp since I put ‘em to the side just like how a lot of you *points accusingly* non veggie eaters pick out all the greens and chuck ‘em to the edge of unwantedness... [I do it too sometimes when I don’t have the Popeye in me!]

Well anyhow, once all the least tasty unimportant food has been consumed, that is when I am at the peak of the moment where my tummy is ready to consume little pieces of shrimp delights! My taste buds prepare to experience the delectables life has to offer and even my mood slightly changes as it anticipates the rush of flavour I am about to savour! BUT THEN..... Somebodaaay just had to grab MY PRAWNS AND DEVOUR IT IN A BLINK OF A NANOSECOND! HOW DARE THEY..! All that effort of waiting for that special moment was a flippin’ waste thanks to the person who made a really bad assumption! Just like how in Naqib’s blog, it says people who assume tend to make an a$$ out of themselves..so true! Never mess with my prawns on the plate!!!! I take food very seriously. :p See, lookie here:

In this picture, I was 17 and concentrating very hard on that delicious sundae! I was having a special sundae moment.. It was simply beautiful! :')

This photo was taken 3 months ago at Bangsar Village, see how serious and focused I am on eating? To me, eating isn’t just something I do to get rid of my hunger, but it’s something that I take time doing, something to be enjoyed ya know..

MK Fact of the Day:

Mizah Likes to Eat. [I even have an album on facebook dedicated to food! Not Kidding.]

I’m still upset about those prawns. Well what can I say... prawns are no joke! So if you want to take food off my plate, ASK FIRST... it’ll save you the embarrassment of having to apologise for being a shrimp-stealer! And it’ll save me from the feeling of distrust towards you whenever I’m eating in front of you. In future...I don’t want to be all like *must never leave my platter of deliciousness unguarded!* It would be a very stressful meal for me I reckon, imagine I can’t freely eat coz I have to worry about people who might steal what I’m tryna save for last. Pfft!!!

Well I think you’ve had enough of me for today. Time to go annoy my dad! :D

Feel free to send Me a Bucket of Fried Tiger Prawns. (for details as to how to send them to me, just contact me on facebook and we can make arrangements for it, hehe)

You know me...the girl who likes food!

Mizah K.

This One's for the Musicians

2010-04-21T04:22:00.002+08:00

When I knew I was gonna have a really long vacation I told myself that I will make good use of the time. So the other day, I told my brother to teach me to play the guitar. He sorta taught me but I guess I am meant to be musically illiterate :p ....(that’s the pessimist Mizah speaking). My brother wasn’t as committed at teaching as I was in learning...he’s like ‘Mizah, say Geeeeee *strums G*’... (T_T) In the end, he ended up playing the guitar and told me to do the singing. It was fun though; we did Coldplay, Snow Patrol, Taylor Swift, McFly... So much for a guitar lesson eh?

I actually used to take Music classes back in elementary...I can read the music notes a little and can play the recorder proficiently, but almost anyone can play the frickin’ recorder, so it’s really not all that impressive. Once you start learning to play the guitar, you really begin to appreciate guitarists and all the musicians out there, coz its reaaaaally hard. To be able to play an instrument and focus on singing at the same time is multi-tasking at its very best!!! I was watching videos of McFly performing and I was even more impressed than before since now I know how difficult it is. *salutes them!*

Now, I am having a really hard time coz my fingers are so short, but then I saw this video of this girl who seems like she has smaller hands than me, and she can actually reach all the strings in the right places...I was like ‘Damn! That kid’s good!’...so I thought, hmm it must be me then! Seriously, how do they not get their fingers all jumbled up? I even got string burns... My brother said that I'll get used to it. Who knew playing a guitar could be physically enduring! I’m not expecting to be a pro in one night, it takes years I’m sure! My sister said its quite torturing to hear me play, [Yes, apparently I am THAT IMPRESSIVELY BAD!] but she did say after hours of practise that it’s beginning to sound like ‘something’. In the frustrated state that I was in, I welcome any compliment even if it sounds a tad bit insulting (now that's the desperate Mizah talking :p).

My brother has class in the morning so I try to learn how to play myself, with the help of YouTube of course! So as I was typing ‘how to play the guitar for beginners’ in the search box, you know how suggestions show up in a drop-down menu?...and I was reading through it trying to decide which is most suitable for me and then I saw ‘how to play the guitar good enough to get laid’...I was like WtPUCK! That goes to show how desperate some people are out there. It’s really sad too. But it is true that girls find musicians attractive...mostly guitarists and bassists (Dougie Poynter<3). Normally if you can play the guitar then you can sing, and if you can sing, then you can serenade!!! (I hope serenading is not out-of-fashion, even though it mostly happens in movies, I can’t help but be very romance-hopeful :p) ...that’s why I think us girls find guitarists appealing.

It’s quite sad how certain instruments like the saxophone or the cello don’t get as much attention, and I’m sure playing them is just as hard! Personally, I think violinists and pianists are the best, coz both are the kind of instruments which are classy and posh too. You tend to associate people who play them as having higher intelligence as well. To this very day, I still have never managed to meet a stupid pianist!..not that I'm looking for one... =/

If there are any strict parents out there who forbid their kid from playing an instrument, I think they should give it a second thought. If the kid’s got a talent then don’t waste it... they should support ‘em...who knows... the kid might end up in Juilliard [which is the institution that is of Harvard equivalent but only for Musical Art]. (Movie recommendation: August Rush) BUT...if it’s a case of wanting to have your own band...not so much. I think the whole ‘We’re gonna form a band and rock the world with our music’ is just overrated now...there are thousands and thousands of bands out there, but most of ‘em are unknown... =/ . I have friends who are in their own bands and they’re always talking about fame and success, but I still don’t see them going anywhere with it...they’re still ya know..around... My point is that very few actually succeed in breaking out and making a name for themselves, so for bands... not as keen on that idea.

Random MK Fact of the Day: One thing I like about guitars is that all you have to do is just hold it the right way and it looks like you know what you’re doing already! [when in truth you haven’t got a clue, if you know you can’t sound impressive, at least you can look impressive :p] Just take a look at the photos, it kinda looks like I am a confident guitarist when in fact I am an incompetent newb! haha. God bless whoever designed the guitar...it's one of those instruments which when you pose with, you can totally get away looking like a pro! XD

This is just one of those random postings to show my appreciation and respect to all musicians out there, whether it’s a flute or a harmonica that you’re playing or even a cowbell for all I care...as long as it makes sound, a good euphonic sound, then yah, you are officially worthy of being called a musician in MK’s book.

So will I succeed in learning the guitar? Hope is almost all gone, but I’m still determined! Worse comes to worst, I’ll go back to playing the keyboard, I am much MUCH better at that...Well folks, I am off to make some racket! [my family won't be very happy...]

The Hopelessly Talent-less Amateur but still very determined ‘Musician’,

Mizah K.

p/s

I realised I haven’t posted photos in my blogposts in a long time! Really sorry about that. More new posts coming soon! ;)

Break that Ice!

2010-03-22T18:38:00.002+08:00

Hello everybody!

I know... like what the hell! WHERE’VE YOU BEEN MIZAH?!

I am truly madly deeply sorry that I went all MIA...(again). I have so much to say but barely have time to put my thoughts into words and post it on here. I miss blogging, I really do...so here I am.... ‘ta-daaa’ *readers still sulking*.

Anyway, I’m in IIUM Gombak a.k.a the Jungle (monkeys, lizards, cranes co-exist with us on campus, albeit diplomatic relations between me and the monkeys are slightly shaky [i feel that our fellow primates have murderous intentions since IIUM ‘used’ some of their land, I think that they’re taking out their vengeance on current inhabitants residing on their original land, unfortunately I am one of them...). Life here has been tough in the beginning (savage MONKEYS causing nuisance in my life!), but hey, I’m adapting and I’m starting to like this place, even though I still have loads to complain about! All in all, life here is pretty great! :) I do not miss Nilai, at all!

I would like to take this time to thank my silent readers (Readers who read and follow my blog anonymously and never comment). To be honest, I didn’t think I had that many silent readers, but then when I was walking around campus, a few people (who I do not know) came up to me and said ‘You’re Mizah right? I read your blog.’ So yeah, thank you for reading, hope my blog benefits you in some way. And there are also other friends of mine who I did not know read my posts, so it was rather shocking coz they don’t seem the type who are bothered, so to those people, thank you!

As usual, a new semester (which is almost ending) means making new acquaintances and re-meeting old classmates again. I have met a lot of new people but what’s even better is that I’ve been able to actually talk to those who have known me for a year but have never properly acknowledged me ...until now. This is perhaps one of the biggest pet peeves I have.

MK Fact of the Day: Mizah K. gets annoyed and immensely irritated as well as frustrated when a person who contacts her through non-personal ways ignores her when in an up-close and personal situation.

It is just SOOOO annoying when I know someone, and I see them, and I KNOW they see me, but they pretend like they don’t know me, and I’m hoping to catch their eye to get some sort of assurance that I do exist....but nothing... no Hi..no smile.. no nod... NOTHING. I might as well be invisible. *puts on Harry Potter’s invisibility cloak*

What’s even worse is when they add me on facebook and that definitely confirms that they know me, and they always have the guts to comment me there, but when they see me...it’s back to ‘Ignore Mode’. Isn’t seeing the real Mizah better than the online one? I mean, you can actually talk to me and get a ‘LIVE’ response. It’s the 4D version, that’s got to be better! What's the worst that could happen???

The whole ‘I see Mizah, but I’ll just pretend like I don’t’ has frustrated me so much, to a point where I decided to confront them! Here is an example of my many icebreakers:

MK (the IceBreaker): *In a friendly manner* Hello there Shyness!

This scares them I realise, yes; apparently some of 'em are scared of me. It’s just so silly! And then, I guess this might be part of my over-dramatic imagination, but sometimes their voice shrinks...and they even seem smaller...like a cornered mouse...

Shyness (the IceMaker): *slightly freezes, unsure of how to react* Uh- Hi.

MK: You know, I’ve been in your class since my first semester in Nilai, how come you never say hi? *While I ask this, I’m actually thinking ‘‘YOU CAN’T AVOID ME NOW CAN YOU!? Oh NOOOOO YOU CAN’T. COZ I’M TALKING TO YOOOU!’’*

Shyness: Uhm.. uh.. (probably thinking ‘ALAMAK! NAK CAKAP APA NI?!/ Oh No, What do I say?!’)

MK: *waits... [grass is growing taller in the background]*

And then comes the MOST ANNOYING response I have ever gotten...

Shyness: Uh.. seganlah nak tegur Mizah. Malu pun ada...

And this is when I give my ‘Don’t be Shy’ lecture. I think to date, I’ve given this lecture at least 12 times already...all in IIUM. =/

‘Malu’ is shy and ‘segan’ is also like shy, but in this context, it’s also like when one feels that they aren’t good enough to be in the presence of someone else. Feeling inferior I guess. I officially hate those two words... *starts sporking the words ‘SEGAN’ and ‘MALU*

So after the first successful confrontation, I have started to continue with it and just be really upfront about it. To break the ice, is to break that barrier which is the cause of all awkwardness and it is what stops people from getting to know each other. Waiting for the other person to make the first move is a waste of time, so just get it over with and do the acknowledging. It’s always better this way. It has officially become one of my life goals to break as much ice as possible. By doing this, it brings me a lot closer to them and it takes away the awkwardness!

I really would like to know everyone better, and it does not help that there is this weird vibe when I see the Ice Makers around. So, to those who almost never greet me when you see me, here’s an ‘Are You Mizah’s Ice Maker?’ Quiz. Do answer honestly.

1. Do you see Mizah around? (She is often found eating at the HS cafe or sometimes at Evoke/Kyros/Mamma Mia, and she is always at the light reading area in the library or walking around the business centre or strolling very slowly by the Law department for reasons she cannot share ;p)

a. Everyday!!!

b. Sure...but I try to not look at her.

c. Who’s Mizah?

2. Have you ever communicated with MK through non-personal ways?[ex. blogger, facebook, myspace, windows live, formspring]

a. Always, she’s my friend so duhh.

b. *doesn’t want to admit it* but Yes.

c. Who is this MK? I do like facebook!

3. When you see MK, what is your reaction?

a. I go to her and say, “Ooo..Mizah! What are you doing lurkin’ round the ‘Law department?” =p

b. Tells self: “ Stay calm. Should I say Hi? Naaaah... She doesn’t see me anyway, CRAP! SHE’S LOOKING AT ME!” *walks away quickly*

c. Why am I even here?

4. Do you promise that you'll acknowledge MK next time you see her?

a. Of course, don’t I always! I tak sombong okaaaay.

b. I will try. Maybe..

c. My presence here is irrelevant. I’m outta here!

END OF EXTREMELY SHORT QUIZ.

Well that wasn’t hard now was it? If you mostly answered a, then you’re good to go, if mostly b, then you are the ultimate Ice-Maker! And if you answer c, I guess I don’t know who you are either.. ;p

So readers, if there’s someone you know, but you pretend like you don’t when you see them face-to-tace.. don’t wait for them to break the ice, instead, be the icebreaker, you’ll be doing them, more like you’ll be doing Mizah a favour! :p

Now enough of this ice-maker nonsense, go get that sledgehammer and break some ice!!!

Forever the Ice Breaker,

Mizah K.

P/S

Kudos to Nabil Zakaria for guessing L’s (AppreciateTheWeirdPeopleInLife) identity. Well spotted! & revealed, Hasnal Atfi was one of those shy peeps, but I have officially taken the shy label away coz he broke the ice and spoke to me for the first time face-to-face a few days ago (mind you, I have class with him everyday this semester!). And also a shout-out to Adzim who supported me on mentioning this, haha.

Goodbye CFS Nilai

2009-10-23T23:45:00.014+08:00

Hey guys!
I know, I know... I abandoned Blogger for waaay too long. Once again I am really sorry. I was supposed to post a blog in August but it never made it on here. I was really busy this past semester. I'm not even in Malaysia now, I'm back in Jordan for the semester holiday. I'll be returning to Malaysia in late November where I will start a new semester in the International Islamic University of Malaysia, Gombak Campus, yess, that means I passed all my exams and I'm done with foundation studies!! :) Feels like just yesterday I was introducing CFS IIUM Nilai to you...and now I'm leaving it!

A lot happened in my last semester...drama from beginning to end! From moving to the boys hostel [B2-1-3!] to roommate problems. Just a quick flashback to one of my old postings, remember 'L', The dude who used to stare a lot at me and my friends?? There's actually some news on him. I have so many mutual friends with him, so naturally I know a lot about him already and I even talked to him like 3 times already. It was at the EconsFest [major hint right there] and he was serving drinks so I took the opportunity and went up to him and asked for a drink and he knew exactly what we were up to so he went along with it. He had this cheeky smile the whole time. He even included us in his jokes while he was talking to other people and then he said 'come again tomorrow!'...which we did of course! hahahaha.. so now, it's not that weird with him, I really wanted to ask about the staring, but it wasn't the right time. Oh well... at least I got the chance to talk to him right?...coz it's been like 3 semesters of staring!..and he's going to Gombak too! =p

Okaay, so I said I wanted to give a final review of CFS Nilai right? I've decided to not do so because my overall review is not a good one. I do have some love for CFS Nilai, ergo I think my review would give a really bad impression and might ward off a lot of potential students. On a positive note, through all the flaws CFS has, I have suffered and endured a great deal and that has made me become more mature and independent. It has also helped me in always preparing for the worst. So students, even if the management of your university suck, the only good side of it is that it will help groom you better in facing even more future problems. I admit, it was tough, there were times when I wished I was doing A Levels instead of foundation, like that one time when my timetable was perfectly okay. But the problem was that a lot of people who didn't take short semester, their names were not listed in any of the classes...so they had to RESHUFFLE everything.. and it messed up my timetable and I had to re-do everything coz there were clashes and I had to re-do the online registration again. God really tested my patience that day. So many more of those flaws...but I'll do the uni a favour and keep it to myself.

I think in that one year of my being in CFS Nilai, I have learnt far more than in any year of my life. By that, I don't mean education...but experience. Indeed, experience is vital. I know the meaning of true friendship...as well as the bad kind. A bad friend is a person who brings out the worst in you. From now on, I will only surround myself with people who have a positive impact on me.

All in all, I made it through. I'm just happy to be out of Nilai. It's foundation, so it's okay if it sucks... Gombak is the real deal. So I expect it to be of higher standards, better management...it is a university after all. It better be good, I mean, it's international...they want to make Malaysia look good right? There better be no double standards...

As of now, I can put Nilai behind me, closing that chapter and opening a new one...

I am anxious, excited and ready for IIUM Gombak Main Campus. This is when university life really begins...

-Mizah K.-

p/s
More new posts coming soon! ;)

Hardest Question Ever Asked

2009-07-03T17:55:00.002+08:00

Hello everyone!

Did yaaaa miss me? =P Well this semester is going by pretty fast. It’s been about 5 weeks already... [but why do I still feel like I’ve learnt nothing?]... and soooo much has happened, though some of it is too personal to share on here. I do have a few good things to say about the new intake though [a.k.a. the ‘91’s]. I’m sure everyone has noticed how BiG they are in size. They’re sooo tall...my first impression was ‘they certainly got enough calcium while growing up, compared to the 1990 babies.’ I’m not kidding when I say tall...I mean...these juniors are towering over us seniors...and some are also very mature looking. I saw this one kid who looked like he could be married and a father of 2! But best of all, I have not yet seen a SINGLE SOFTY!! Wooooot! Go ‘91s!!

Now let’s get down with business. I don’t know if blogging is the right way to do this, but the inspiration is lingering above me so I might as well act while it’s still present. I have no idea what I will achieve by blogging about this either, but I guess your opinion would reaaaally help. Mind you, this is gonna be one loooong posting, so bear with me.

The most complicated question I have ever been asked was...no...not a math problem [though that would definitely top the list!!]it was asked by a best friend of mine and she’s a non-Muslim. I was 16... [not that long ago, really] and we were discussing religion. Her mom is a Christian-Jehovah, but she’s still unsure of what to believe in, she doesn’t believe in God but she does believe in a Higher Power. She asked me, ‘Mizah, you’re a Muslim right?’...and I replied, ‘Yeaaaah...’ Her next question caught me off guard..."So, since you’re a Muslim, you believe that non-Muslims aren’t going to heaven right? So do you believe that I’m going to hell?”

*silence...*

I was not ready for that question. I mean what the hell do you reply to that? What kind of best friend would tell her best friend ‘Yes, you are going to hell?’ Wouldn’t that make our whole friendship some sort of big lie? I was so speechless... I was quiet for a whole minute. Then a mixture of emotions...from sadness to confusion to shock to guilt all came to me at once.

And you know what? This actually isn’t the first time I’ve been asked this question. The first time was actually by my French teacher and she asked it in front of the class. My feelings were really hurt when she said ‘Muslims believe that we [non-Muslims] are going to hell. Isn’t that right, Mizah?’ I was offended because they were all such good people, and for them to think that I think that they’re going to hell...is just...well....hurtful...especially when I don’t really believe that. I was very close to tears at that time...bad day that was.

Tell me, what would you have done in that given situation? We have to respect their beliefs, otherwise they wouldn’t respect ours... can you imagine what kind of world it would be if we didn’t respect each other? There’d be no cooperation...none at all.

You see, there are these boundaries...of religion/truth as well as social protocol of respecting other people’s religion...tolerance and all that. Whenever these 2 things collide, that’s when I don’t know how to act. Am I supposed to be diplomatic about it and apply social etiquette and not be rude? Or tell them the truth? And this truth hella hurts. What is the universal protocol for that? I want to know. I know that I’d be maaad pissed if my best friend believed I’m going to hell just coz I’m not a believer of her religion. Being empathetic and putting myself in my best friend’s shoes really does not help.

See how complicated this is? It bothers me...it’s been bothering me for ages. I worry about my non-Muslim friends, coz they’re such lovely people. Sure, they drink and do a lot of prohibited stuff, but at the end of the day, they’re still good and kind-hearted to me. I appreciate all that they’ve done for me.

A friend of mine once said ‘Mizah, I think that as long as you do good, then you have a shot at heaven.’...and well...she has a point. That is where I’m confused. Just coz they’re not Muslim, doesn’t mean all their good deeds will be ignored right? After all, it’s much harder for them as well...they weren’t born Muslim. If I weren’t born Muslim, I’d probably be reluctant to convert especially if my upbringing has been surrounded with another religion. Again, being empathetic is really not helping!!!

And going around converting people isn’t exactly easy. All I’ve ever managed to do was just tell my friends why I do this...that...why I fast...invited them over for Eid ...and they understand and respect it, and they think Islam is good. But that’s as much as I can do...if I were to go any further, well let’s just say no one likes an over-converter [someone who does nothing but talks about their own religion to convert others]. I mean, it’s off-putting right? I don’t want to come off as an extremist either! Even I don’t like it when say a Christian is tryna convert me and all they ever talk about is Christianity, heck, I’d slap ‘em in the face to shut ‘em up. It’s just an annoying approach. Sure, occasionally I share a bit about Islam, but I don’t think it’ll ever be enough to convince them, coz it’s just not that easy. Yes, I need to learn how to da’wah properly. Hopefully IIUM will teach me that, and yes I know that I still have a lot to learn about Islam.

I’m a Muslim. We do believe that non-believers go to Hell. I know Islam is the true religion, but at the same time, having been brought up in an international community, where others respect my religion and my beliefs, it is only natural that I respect their beliefs. So is common courtesy still relevant in this case? Imagine if I didn’t respect them, it’d be havoc and chaos all around!!! Look at Malaysia....respecting other religions coz we’re a multi-racial country, yet we Muslims know Islam is the truth... it’s contradicting in a way right? I feel that we are only ‘respecting’ to keep the peace. Don’t you think so?

I admit and I am really sorry to say that I have been sceptic about my own religion...there are just sooo many questions that needs answering, yet I feel that some questions aren’t allowed to be asked. I have been strictly told that there are just some things which we must never ask about and just have faith in it. It’s perfectly fine to wonder about these things though right? Why else would we bother searching for the truth?

The other day, this educated person was telling us about deeds. She said that there are 3 conditions, you have to do the deed for the benefit of others, it has to be sincere and you have to be Muslim. She gave an example of a non-Muslim who donated money to the mosque... it is for the benefit of others, it is sincere, but God will reject his deed coz he isn’t a Muslim. I was actually really pissed coz I believe that Allah would still accept it, as long as the person has good intentions, why not accept it? Allah after all is most compassionate...most merciful... I now question that ‘educated’ person’s credibility and qualifications. I asked a friend of mine about this, and she asked her lecturer. Her lecturer said that if the person has been exposed to Islam and knows about it, yet still rejects it, then they’ll still go to hell. It still seems a bit unfair to me coz it’s so much harder to accept something as the truth, especially if they weren’t brought up with it.

I believe in Islam, yet I respect other people’s religion (though I don’t believe in ‘em). I do know that non-believers of Islam are going to hell, yet, I believe that Allah is fair and that even if they aren’t Muslim, their deeds will still be taken account. Life can’t be that harsh right? Coz what’s the use of having all these people on Earth if their good deeds won’t be considered? Hypothetically, if I were non-Muslim and I knew that Muslims believe that a non-Muslim’s deeds will not be accepted, then I would actually be more reluctant to convert, coz it seems too cruel.

More than anything...I want to just sit with someone who is qualified to answer all my questions, someone who is knowledgeable and has all the evidence to back their answers. I want reassurance.

So what did I tell my best friend? I basically told her more or less what I said just now... that I believe that God is fair. As long as she does things with good intentions, then God will consider her. She understood me. Have I told her enough about Islam? I think I have, she thinks Islam is beautiful...but if were to go on, I think I’d be pushing her buttons. It’s never good to be too forceful. When she’s ready to choose, then she’ll choose.

To the non-Muslims reading this, I really hope I did not offend you. It is your decision to believe in whatever you want, freedom of choice. I just want you to know, that Islam is a really misunderstood religion especially with the mass media linking us with terrorism all the time. Give Islam a read; it really is a peaceful religion.

Sincerely,
Mizah K.

p/s
RIP Michael Jackson

Back From Penang

2009-05-29T21:14:00.009+08:00

Hey everyone!
You may have been wondering how my Penang trip was? It was perfect. Couldn't have been any better. When we were about to land, everybody was staring out the window, and we all received a very good first impression..we had a bird's eye view of the shimmering sea and the gorgeous island. I took like 300+ photos on that trip..not kidding, it's all on my facebook though, so if you have access to it, then do check it out. We had mehendi done..went to to 4 beaches..we even went to the fish spa! I like KL..but Penang is just as nice but in a different way of course. It's peaceful..tranquil..serene....I love a calm environment. I think I'm gonna beg my parents to buy a house there..somewhere for us to escape once in a while. =] Mama? Papa? Pleeeasie Shmeeezies..? Anyway, here's a short vlog I did for you readers..I decided I should try something different..it will be the first of many. (and hopefully people will think I am more tech-savvy =P) Like the new change? It's a step forward..yes?

So what's today's topic? Guys... I don't have any.. I have a lot of ideas..but the inspiration is just not coming. I have to be inspired otherwise my posting will be really dull and a waste. The reason for my lack of inspiration?... Holiday is almost over..I'm going back to Nilai after tomorrow. It's gonna be a tough loooong semester.

I cannot wait to be released from the grasp of Nilai..because once I am.. I will be able to blog [in good manner of course] without having to worry about...'stuff'. I have been dying to say soooo many things... it's best to shut up for now though. Can't wait to give my review of CFS Nilai..and I promise I will try to be as positive as possible. I will also highlight all the awesome lecturers and give reasons to why IIUM should give them MANY MANY BONUSES. [when I like a lecturer or a teacher, I reaaaaaaally like them...] As for the 'others'.. their names will not be mentioned coz of very valid reasons...one of it would be because they don't deserve it.. =P

If you are a lecturer/teacher.. your job is one of the most important in the world. You either make me or break me. It's in your hands... so....be a good teacher.. do it not for the money..or the rank..but for us, your students. For this reason alone...is why teaching is the most fulfilling job. You never know who your student will become when he/she grows up. So to anybody who teaches....your student might just become famous one day. They will either acknowledge you and give you all the credit...or...out of revenge.. embarrass you to the world. =P

"One looks back with appreciation to the brilliant teachers, but with gratitude to those who touched our human feelings. The curriculum is so much necessary raw material, but warmth is the vital element for the growing plant and for the soul of the child." ~Carl Jung

I guess this posting turned out to be about teachers!..well kinda..just a small preview though.
A new semester comes. Hopefully my last. More unwanted drama coming..I can feel it. It gets worst every semester..my mental list of 'The People I Must Avoid' will probably grow. I'll be strivin' and at the same time, I'm gonna have a lil fun in this semester..
The final judgement of CFS Nilai will soon be made.

MAHALO!!!

Mizah K.

Flying Away

2009-05-20T14:40:00.002+08:00

When I was in Doha, many of the wealthy Arabs there would visit Malaysia. Once summer vacation ended, and it was back to school, we'd all exchange stories...where we went..who we met..and so on and so forth.

I would always, alwaaays hear at least one story about a friend's visit to Malaysia..They went to Genting..Langkawi..Pangkor, and since I'm Malaysian, they'd assume I know and have been to all those wonderful places too. Sure, I've heard of 'em and seen photos and ads... but sadly, I haven't ventured there...yet. Ironic isn't it?..I've been to many many places all over this lovely Earth, but I've barely toured around my own country!

I feel very un-Malaysian at times because of my lack of travelling around in my own country. But things are about to change now. =]

So my parents are outta the country..and my siblings 'flew' away as well.. I'm the only one who remains in this country, so I decided that I might as well do a bit of flying myself, even though it's domestically.

I am flying off to Penang tomorrow with Shazna and we shall be meeting up with Nadia upon arrival. I'm excited for many reasons, it's my first domestic flight, no family [i get a sense of independence] , it's with my friends, and most of all...this is my first self-paid trip. I saved up big bucks for this. I'm paying for my own flight tickets, transport, food..everything. And guess what? My friend's mom has like this membership thing at the hotel so accommodation is free!!! Lucky right? At first, we were browsing for reasonably priced hotels and we narrowed it down to one, 'Copthorne Orchid Hotel'..and coincidentally that is the hotel my friend's mom has a membership to.. Definitely NOT a coincidence...this soooo happened for a reason. It's like God wants us to go.. =]

So I'll be off the radar in the next 4 days..starting from tomorrow. If I bother, I'll share my travel stories with you..well I must be off to pack.

'bout time I explore my own country for a change..

Penang...Here I Come!

The newly Independent Domestic Traveller,
-Mizah K.-

The Soft Walkers

2009-05-15T23:23:00.002+08:00

I’ve had my fair share of culture shock. One of it was the amount of softies walking around campus. I knew Malaysia had softies, but I never knew we had that many..!

MKtionary:

Softy: A male who acts like a female

Synonym: Shemale

Harsher Synonyms: Gay, Pondan, Sotong =P

Plural: Softies

Sure, the softies are nice [half of ‘em anyways]...they know fashion, they can give advice, it feels safe to be with them..yadi yadi yada..but they’re not suppose to be like that. It’s very un-dude like of them.

There is this group of them [the ones I don’t like], anyways... this group of shemales always stare so coldly at us, and the leader of the pack I believe is this dude who wears glasses coz it always seems like all the gossiping comes from him. He even pointed at us a couple of times. Rude much? No idea what his problem is...maybe he’s just jealous that he’s not a girl. =P

They’re like a cult...walking around together, flaunting their inner girliness...as if every ground they set their foot on is a flippin runway.

Speaking of runways, there is this long path on the field and that one time the group of shemales that I dislike were walking on the opposite end to where we were...and every time I see them, I go, “Girls, let’s walk like guys!”.. I can’t help but mock them. Bad on me innit?

It drives me nuts how when I walk pass one of them, they make me look like I’m the guy, coz their walk is so feminine I‘ve actually once felt lesser of a girl. But you know, even girls don’t walk like they do...in such a flambouyant manner too I might add.

Has anyone noticed how most of ‘em are BEN(Bachelor in ENglish)? Me and my mates were joking about how maybe that’s why BEN got disqualified in all the sports games last semester... okay, kinda mean of us. Apologies. There are also many softy Law students as well...no wonder BENS and LAWS get along really well eh? =p

In the last long semester, there was this talk with the BEN society and we were the first to arrive, so guess what we did? We counted the number of softies that entered the hall..it was like..’1...2...oh no..I spot a 3...4 , dammit..when will it stop?.. 5..6..there’s too many of ‘em..7.. omg, a whole group of ‘em just entered the building!! ’.. We stopped at 7 because it was just too painful to go on counting. =(

I know how I always say ‘it takes a strong man to wear pink’...but just wanted to make it clear that a softy wearing a pink girly HANDBAG is not the same. This whole softy business is something we always discuss about, we [me and my friends] would prefer a guy being slightly perverted and rude rather than...well... you know.. soft. Any sign of male-ness is good to us.

It especially sucks when the good-looking ones are gay...[pardon my shallowness]. Some of ‘em would actually be decent looking if they were normal... and if they were to have a guy boyfriend, it’d be too weird to be jealous of a guy, I mean, how the hell do you compete with that? Though I think most softies in campus are straight, well they better be...we’re in an Islamic university for crying out loud.

If there are any softies reading this, I hope you won’t start attacking me with your handbag... =P sorry, only jokin’ [well actually it kinda depends, dooo you have a handbag?] =P

I admit, the softies [the nice ones] are great friends, I feel safe around them coz I know they won’t take advantage in any way, but I really would prefer them to go back to the male path. There are enough girls in this world... we don’t need any more wannabes, thank you very much.

Now, my next question goes out to the normal guys [God Bless you]. I’m just wondering, how do you feel about them? Isn’t it kinda uncomfortable if you’re in a room with them [which I’m pretty sure some of you are]...saay, you need to change and they’re like..right there! Isn’t it weird? Has one ever hit on you?

You guys seem to not really say a lot about it, I’m sure there’s something going on in your minds, but I don’t hear much. So speak now...or forever hold your peace.

To all the guys out there,

May the Maleness be With You. [AND STAY WITH YOU...]

-Mizah K.-

p/s

Happy holidays CFS-ers! I got one more semester left, then it’s Gombak. =D

Appreciate the Weird People in Life

2009-04-04T22:45:00.000+08:00

I got back a few days ago from a rather shaky drive with my sister. The car kinda swerved slightly coz of the slippery road [raining cats & dogs] and the wheels didn't seem to have a proper grip.. I managed to not yell..but my friend, Shazna who was at the backseat kinda screamed 'Kak Sitiiiiiii!!!!'.. yes, she panics quite a lot..LOL. Bless her.

Well now, I'm just glad to be in Bangsar.. its the closest to what I can call Home.. seeing as how my parents aren't here. Bangsar makes me feel safe..
But soon, I have to return to Nilai.

I always wonder how is it that I survive there... and these are the reasons why:

(in random order)

1. My future is at stake.

2. The better I do in Nilai Campus, the faster I'll get out of there.

3. I think this is an invalid reason.. anyways, I leave campus quite a lot....as in.. I go back to the city and get back to campus before curfew [so I'm mostly in campus for classes and to rest] that would mean.. I survive Nilai coz I spend a lot of time outside of Nilai!..

4. The scenery [pretty green mountains and hills..and those purple-flowered trees!!] (i'm a tree hugger, didn't you know?)

5. FRiENDS- of course, the obvious reason, without them, life would be extremely miserable, heck, I'd probably go all emo.. =|
Back to friends, I 'lepak' [chill] a lot with them..before class, after class, even during class, and have dinner with them at 8:00 at the 'hippest' restaurant in town, 'Kawah Thai'..lmao..[if you've been to Kawah Thai, you'd get the joke] so Kawah Thai finally gets its 2 lines of fame on here..or on anywhere for that matter (they should give me free roti bakar [toast bread] for this!) Dinner at KT is like a tradition. It's one of the best parts of my life in Nilai..and not coz of the food..but of the people. =] Bonding moment, <3

6. Drama- the drama going around on campus is alwaaaays uber interesting, definitely one of the reasons which makes it worth the stay...and trust me, there is always a lot of drama revolving around me and my mates..and that is no overstatement [mostly unwanted drama though, but still worth the attention] teehee.

7. The Weird People, oh yesss..the weeeeird people. Now at first, these 'people'..a.k.a. the bad-kinda-lurkers are just downright irritating...but then.. once I got used to them and their weirdness, I began to look forward to seeing them do what ever it is that they do for reasons I do not know why. So yeah..there's this guy [don't worry, it's not a crush story]..this dude.. let's call him 'L' [and if you are a Nilai-an and you're trying to guess who he is, give up now coz the letter 'L' is randomly picked.. .well sorta. =P]

Okay, so ever since last semester, 'L' has been staring at us [me and my close friends] like nobody's business. I never noticed him staring until my friend, Tinah pointed it out. If I were to describe 'L', it would give him away, so no descriptions!..but then again, that sentence itself is a clue.. see how generous I am to all of you who are attempting to guess? The thing about him staring is that whenever we look at him..he doesn't look away [which is what every NORMAL person would do]..he still stares intently..[but don't worry, it's not those creepy perverted stare].. it's just a stare, then a smile, then a laugh. Yep, those are the stages of L's Stare.

1. Stare [until he knows we sense it]
2. Smile [to annoy us]
3. Laugh [to bug us]
4. Brushes his hand swiftly through his hair [why he does this?..it's either a habit..or his way of showing he successfully annoyed us...like you know how some people have a victory dance?..well I guess this is L's victory dance] When he is with his friends, it's worse coz he tells them and they all laugh, and we have no idea why.

Yes, it's very irritating coz the first few times he did that, we thought that there was something on our faces...or something wrong with our clothes..but after multiple extensive checks on how we look, we conclude, that he is just weird that way. Besides, he has no motive, coz we do not know him [he's not even majoring the same thing as us (yep, another hint!)], but how is it that I know that?...well he got us curious, so we had to know who he is in order to gain a better understanding to why he is like that..so we kinda snooped around a bit. Even though we kinda know who he is...it hasn't helped us much in finding a motive. [maaan...I make him sound like he's a criminal..]

We used to glare at him and give a really evil 'what the hell is your problem?' look. Wouldn't you go crazy if somebody constantly laughed at you for reasons only God knows? But now, we are completely use to his weirdness, and I actully like L for making me wonder why is he like that. He is an interesting person to study when it comes to behaviourism. LOL. [and now I make him sound like he's a thing, not a human]

These days, when we see him, we laugh right back. Well I try to control it, but it's reaaaaallly hard. Honestly! I always burst out laughing in the end which makes it all the more obvious. It's even funnier now because he knows that we know that he stares..basically we know that he knows and he knows that we know..yet this awkwardness still exists.. he still does the staring, smiling, laughing, brushes hair-thing.. and to this day, we are still clueless to why this still happens? I mean, will it ever end? It's just about to enter the 5th month of weirdness.

Sometimes, when I see him sitting alone on the bench, I feel like just walking over and formally introduce myself and then ask him 'WHY?' But me and my friends believe that he should make the first move coz he started it. We also agreed that we're pretty sure we'd be good friends with him if we personally knew him... but it's tooo bad. As much as these uncomfortable moments are hilarious..and how it kinda gets the adrenaline of humour going..I still do hope it will stop before i graduate..haha.. can you imagine this going on for the next 4 or 5 years? It's a lot of what could be 'get-to-know-each-other' time wasted.

So if you go to IIUM Nilai..and you know who we are [WE KNOW YOU KNOW US..& YOU KNOW WE KNOW YOU..coz you know people that we know (sorry if this bit is confusing and giving you readers a headache)]..and you stare at us and laugh whenever we pass by... I can't wait for you to come up and formally introduce yourself..and by now, I know that you know where and when we eat dinner.. coz we see you almost EVERY day doing the saaame thing!!... if you are 'L'.. declare yourself!

I look forward to these weird moments coz it's like 'okay, are we gonna make it? who'll laugh first?' We don't want our cover to be blown...even though it's not covered in the first place, coz he knows we're gonna laugh..and we know he'll go through the stages I listed earlier. This is what makes campus life interesting.. [you really do meet all kinds of people in university!]

Readers, appreciate the weird people around you...can you imagine a world where everyone is plain normal?...that would be boring, so I happily conclude that weird people make life interesting..and in my case, makes living in Nilai less boring. =)

Cheers,
Mizah K.

p/s
Confession: the purpose of this posting was not only to tell you how I've been surviving Nilai...or why we should appreciate the weirdos in our lives...but also to give an encouraging push to 'L'. Though the chances of 'L' reading this...is....well.. I don't know..but if he does..and if he finally approaches, I shall tell you who he is and how it all goes with him..and most importantly...a reason to why he stares and laughs. I strongly hope that this mystery will be solved..SOOON.

To Pretend or Not To Pretend

2009-03-12T22:19:00.007+08:00

"To Pretend or Not To Pretend", THAT is the question.

I never thought I'd ever say this.. I can't even believe I'm even gonna encourage you to do this.. and what may you ask exactly is 'this'..?

MK's Wicked Advice of the Day : Pretend to Be someone You're Not

Now what would make Mizah suggest such a thing, especially when she's all for the over-used but still has not lost its meaning 2 word advice "Be Yourself"

Keep in mind, my advice has limitations, and when I said be someone you're not, I really meant.. 'pretend you're a foreigner'. And in what situation is it appropriate to pretend you're a foreigner?.. the answer is.. when you are a Malaysian student at the International Islamic University of Malaysia.. uhuh yeah...that uni again... =P

It takes no time at all to notice the big difference. Allow me to use my friend as an example. Now this friend of mine is always mistaken as a foreigner. So this is what happened.

On the 1st Floor, CFS NILAI LIBRARY (the photocopying machine place)

N: Hi, can you photocopy this for me please? *holds out the book*
Photocopier: [assumes N is a foreigner] *smiling brightly* Sure, I'll get it done now, so where are you from exactly? *starts doing her job*
N: *looking unsure* Umm...actually I'm Malaysian.
*Photocopy person freezes and looks up*
Photocopier: Oh, well I'm busy now, come back tomorrow.
N: %$&#&)(@!$@^%#....*pissed off*..*walks off in anger*

From my own experience, that one time, I was taking a form to register for the next semester and I was speaking English, so I think the lady thought I was an international student. The lady was so nice to me, she was even kind enough to give me instructions of what to do next, but then this other girl who came after me wasn't lucky enough to get the same treatment. Let's just say that the lady showed her true colours, and it wasn't very nice. And I almost believed that the lady was genuine..pssh. The rate that these people transform from nice to mean is quite drastic, from the "Your wish is my command" to the "GET-OUT-OF-MY-WAY! I HAVE NO TIME FOR YOU!"

In this short semester, I also noticed how the foreigners asked for a room all together..and they got it just like that *snaps fingers*..whereas when we went to ask, [some of the parents were with us too, so we were quite hopeful]..the lady was obnoxiously rude, she was like 'that room is reserved for the juniors for the next semester, besides, we are going to have people fix things in the room'..

'FIX THINGS IN THE ROOM' MY A$$...............
first of all, they're too cheap to fix any extra things around campus (we even checked the room and the bathroom to make sure it's all A-okay before we asked..there was no fixing needed!),
secondly, what the hell was the use of the 2 week break? they told us before that they'll fix everything during that time..so shouldn't it all be perfectly ready on our first day back?..now who's contradicting themselves?..
and lastly, from the way she said it, it was a freakin' blatant lie!!! Even the parents that were present knew she was lying.

Honestly, that OLD lady should learn how to be diplomatic. She was apathetic and disrespectful, I mean, even if you want to say no, there is a POLITE way to do it..and it makes it all the more worse coz parents were there! She obviously did not care. I was actually embarrassed that some of the parents had to witness that OLD LADY's behaviour.. well at least now they know what we have to put with everyday.

Yes, it's a fact, international students are treated better, not only are all sales people, restaurant owners nicer to them, but even the guards are more lenient towards them. Foreigners have a far better chance of getting away with the dress code while the rest of us have no choice but to pay the fine. Yep, there goes the money.

Double standards exists in IIUM, there's no denying, and there's no real point saying 'all students are treated equal'..coz we're not. Me and my friends think that they're all scared of the foreigners, afterall, a lot of them have parents who are high ranked in Gombak Campus, so they don't want to mess with the lecturer's children, and also the internationals pay far more than the rest of us...so no foreigners..not much money coming in. They don't have the guts to mess with them coz basically..they're not Malaysian. Coz when you're Malaysian, you're from the same country as them, so in a way, to them...it makes it acceptable to be reaaaaally mean...whereas when you're a foreigner..they're like 'that kid is not from my country..gotta lay my hands off them, or else their people will bring trouble'..it's almost as if the fact that we're Malaysians make them feel like they own us and can treat us however they want... yeah it sucks but that's the reality of it.

One thing we ALL KNOW is...

The rules in our University applies to ALL STUDENTS.
STUDENT: a learner who is enrolled in an educational institution

There you have it, a student is a learner who is enrolled in an educational institution, there is NO mentioning of background/nationality/social status. So the rules apply for EVERYONE. THERE ARE NO EXCEPTIONS. NO SPECIAL CASES. NO EXTRA PRIVILEGES. NO ONE IS HIGHER THAN THE OTHER, WE ALL CARRY THE SAME STATUS AS A STUDENT, ERGO THERE SHOULD BE NO DIFFERENCE IN TREATMENT BETWEEN ANYONE.

The thing about being discriminated is that it really does puts us down on the student hierarchy which shouldn't even exist in the first place! We all come to university with the same hopes and dreams. I thought we all had equal chances at everything, whether it's getting food at the fixed price or changing rooms... so when we, Malaysian students are being treated unfairly, it's as if we are second class citizens of the university. Okay, so the internationals pay more, and the rest of us are on scholarship, I dont think that makes it at all okay to be treated differently.

To all my foreigner friends, you guys are of course awesome, and I have no problem with you guys. I'm just voicing our rights, not as a Malaysian really, but as a student.

A student is a student no matter where they're from, so if the authority were to treat an international a certain way, then the rest of us deserve the same treatment because whether we're rich or poor, in the end we are all still classified as STUDENTS...PERIOD!

So students of IIUM, if you look like a non-malaysian, or can make an accent, by all means.. DO IT!! PRETEND AS MUCH AS YOU CAN! But don't do it outside of campus, people will think you're rich and totally rip you off.. or even a wannabe. So yeah, pretend you're a foreigner, if you succeed, you may just get a discount or special treatment... If the salesperson finds out that you're a local and starts attacking you, it's not your fault. I mean, who the hell told that salesperson to treat foreigners better, its their own fault really to assume someone is a foreigner. Their loss, your gain.

So yeah, fool them..it's the least you can do, because discrimination is something that can't be rid of just like that. Sadly to say, but it'll go on like this..so while we are all being very patient, we might as well have a lil fun with it and fool people. What say you?

You can always make them feel welcomed, but not to the extent where you make us Malaysians feel like scum..harsh words but true.

I just gotta say I got nothin' against foreigners... it's the people that discriminate us whom I have a problem with. So I'm not hating the players, I'm hating the game.

So Malaysians, pretend you're a foreigner, you might save a buck or two. It's definitely a good enough reason to be someone you're not.(just in that given situation of course!)

Being discriminated, I think is a challenge..it's an obstacle, we don't get what we want as easy as others so we have no choice but to strive harder. In time, we will succeed.

I go to university expecting equal opportunities as others..

I intend to have a good future...a good life.

All That, I Will Get.

The Pretender,
Mizah K.

CFS NILAI VS CFS PJ

2009-03-10T23:18:00.002+08:00

I know there is a lot of competition between CFS Nilai and CFS PJ...both are eager to prove that they are better than the other. I heard that during the sports games that were held in PJ, the results were biased and it was all Pro-PJ, I was also told that there were physical fights between the PJ-ians and Nilai-ans.. but not fights between the players, but the supporters!! When I heard this ...i was like "Daaang!"
That is what inspired me to write this blog...

CFS Nilai- The Centre for the Awesome Arts
BEN- English
BAR-Arabic
IRK-Islamic Revealed Knowledge
HS-Human Sciences
ECONS-Economics & Management Sciences
LAW-self explanatory...Law..duh.

CFS PJ- The Centre for the..[Insert a word that is complimentary to Science ] Sciences
(now if i were mean, I would've put 'sucky'..but I know a lot of wonderful people in PJ and it is not my intention to make enemies..]
ENGIN-Engineering
AED-Architecture & Environmental Design
ICT-Information Communication Tech.
Allied health Sciences
Biological/Physical Science
Medic
Dentistry
Pharmacy
Nursing

..am i missing anything?

As a Nilaian, I shall try my best to not take sides.. =P Though, I feel that I am already failing...

However, I feel obliged to defend all the Arts students, especially when a lot of the Sciences think that they are superior...just coz they're all mainly about ..facts..and how everything has only one correct answer..it can't be any other way...yadi yadi yada..so on and so forth..psshh...big deal. Another reason why they look down on us is because we were all sent far away [okay, slightly exaggerated here] to some unknown land [exaggeration again, no offense to the people of the 9th state] with inadequate facilities, and a completely non-campus environment. It makes us look as if we are 2nd best after the Sciences. It certainly doesn't help when we're in a different state, meaning that we don't get the Selangor public holidays.. But then again, they prolly placed us there coz they know we are more capable of surviving in any condition..and we're not as fussy as the other lot... =P okaaay..i'm being slightly mean.

Now on with complimenting the Arts, Nilai is realllly not that bad, we actually have more freedom coz our 'campus' is in a public area... so HAH!!! [that was meant for the PJ-ians]. Our curfew is longer too.. and the Nilai mak guard/pak guard are less stricter compared to PJ... and because we are the Awesome Arts, we all have time for a social life. We don't need to be studying 24/7. I respect that you guys have a higer CGPA requirement...but you guys should respect Arts too. Just because our requirement isn't as high as yours, does not mean we are less important. That's a very childish way to think.

To all the proud science kids who think they have the answers to everything..... well I suggest ya'll come down to the Arts, and I'm sure your mind will all go numb and confused when I present to you, a poem. Yes, a POEM.

I apologise if this posting is pro-Arts [can't help it]..and I don't mean to generalise, not all PJ students are arrogant, I'm just attacking those that are..tee hee.
Though, I admit, it's great to see that both sides have great pride and support for their own CFS.

In the end, the world needs Arts as much as they need the Sciences. We'll respect you guys, if you respect us. Give Respect, Get Respect. Remember, we are all IIUM students, we shouldn't lash out on each other... instead, we should lash out on other universities...!! LMAO... let's start off with USIM...and then Sunway...lol. I am certainly not sending the right message on here.. ah well...but you get the idea right? We all brothas and sistas...so yeah..show some love. =] Let us come along and get together...bla bla bla...you know how that horribly written yet contagious song goes...

I now must bid thee farewell, a bowl of delicious Honeycombs Cereal awaits me.

Defender of the Arts,
M.K.

Introducing: The Centre for Foundation Studies, IIUM, NILAI CAMPUS

2009-03-08T16:25:00.004+08:00

MK's back in town...! yessiiireee..!

I told you I'd be back, didn't I? So let me introduce you to the Centre for Foundation Studies [CFS], International Islamic University of Malaysia [IIUM].. *sighs*..that's a loadful. IIUM has 2 places for foundation studies, one is in Nilai, the 9th State [it sounds so much cooler than Negeri Sembilan]..the other is in Petaling Jaya [PJ]. Pj has all the science students while Nilai has all the arts. [more on that in my next posting...]. We have to complete our foundation studies before we are qualified to enter Gombak or Kuantan campus. That is where the real deal is! That's enough of the summary of IIUM....now let's get on with business.

My IGCSEs were my ticket to CFS IIUM Nilai, and now, CFS IIUM is my ticket to Gombak, the main campus... so that's my goal now.. to get into IIUM Gombak.

'It has been my dream to enter IIUM..ever since i was a little girl...' oh dear... corny-ness beyooooond corny.. lemme re-phrase that. Okay, so I have always planned to further my education in the International Islamic University... the reason being that it is considered 'prestigious'..and continuing private would've been pricy..so no to private unis. It was either IIUM or A levels back in my old school, the International Community School, Amman (ICS) . Truth be told, I sometimes wish I just continued in the ICS because IIUM...is...well.... I will get to that another day.

So since I'm a CFS IIUM student now, this will mean that there will be some changes. I'll try my best at keeping my blog in such a way that all citizens of the world can relate to, but I'll tell you this now, I think most of it will be CFS IIUM related. So if you're not interested in hearing my ramblings on IIUM, you should still keep reading coz like I said, there will be topics you can relate with. I guess my target audience now would be CFS Nilai students... I would love to hear all of your opinions on CFS Nilai, so feel free to share. =]

Now I know that hideous picture of that building is painful to see... but just so you know, the Nilai Campus is temporary. They're building a new campus for us somewhere... I think.

When I received the acception letter from IIUM... I was like 'Holy shnizzzle...' but now that I'm in here... I'm wondering... 'Is this what I worked my brains off for in my IGCSEs?...all those sleepless nights doing coursework and learning to spell Khrushchev's name and weather patterns in the UK.... all of that effort for THIS?!?!'... I felt like I was lied to.... as if I was deceived, even tricked...

I'm not blaming my parents or anything coz they don't know what it's like in Nilai.... I will tell you what it's like in another blog... But if any IIUM authority were to come upon this blog, then I would like to clarify myself.

I will simply be giving constructive criticism...there is always room for improvement, ergo, I, as a concerned student of IIUM only wishes for the best in our university. I want IIUM to improve and to move forward...

In the end, my suggestions are for the betterment of all present and future students. Nothing wrong with that right?

To end today's posting... just wanted to say that it normally takes time for me to fall in love with a place... take the ICS for example, it took me a year! I'm also trying to keep an open mind, because although Nilai Campus may suck, Gombak might be super-awesome. I hear a lot of good things about it.. So I shall make my final judgement once I have entered Gombak.

'Til fingers meet keyboard,
Mizah K.

Mizah K's Return

2009-01-25T21:57:00.004+08:00

Helllllooooo readers,
MY SINCERE APOLOGIES... FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY UNBROKEN HEART [har har].. I AM SORRY FOR MY LOOOOOONG ABSENCE. I'm so happy to see that people actually still view my blog even though I haven't updated it in a loooooong time. Last time I was on here, there were 800+ views..now it has reached 1000+..
Don't worry, I haven't forgotten about blogger. I've just been so busy with life and experiencing so many new things in university [yes, I am a university student now..] so that means...many many maaaany things to share about.. the good, the bad...and the weird.......uhuh..lemme say that again.. the weeeeirrrd, plenty of those, I must say.

Can't wait to share it all with you.

That is all I can say for now, [yes, it is quite evil of me to spark off your curiousity.. then leave you eager for more] Well that's me practising being an author on my cliffhangers... [well this ain't much of a cliffhanger..but whatever, ur all still left hanging]... *insert evil cackle here*

My next blog will come during my semester break..which is around March. So don't expect anything sooner. In the meantime.. avoid eating McDonalds..burger king..pizza hut...a big portion of the money they get goes to the israelis...and that money is used for weaponry to kill innocent Palestinians. Every bite you take is a bullet to the head of an innocent person. THINK about that next time when you're about to have your burger.

And to end this blog in a less political note..

Merry Late Christmas.
Happy Late Ma'al Hijrah.
Happy Late New Year.
Happy Early Chinese New Year.
Happy Belated Birthday to all born in October, November, December and early January.
Also, Happy early birthday to Ong Sze Chuen. You're 18 dude..ahahahahaha...i just turned 17...na na na na na... =P Hope all is well for you in NS.

Overflowing buckets of love,
-Mizah Kholil-